Friday, July 1, 2011

BLACK MEN CAN'T!

I wonder how many black men are rooting for one of those white female presidential candidates?  What do you think about black republicans in general? There are a few things a black man can expect to happen if he does the following. Well, maybe I should say certain behavior makes others do the cockeye-twist-neck-jerk-what-did-you-just-say-my-black-friend-Jay?

Listen, ,I've been looking around the blogsphere. If I wanted others to look at me with a questioning eye I would write "OMG". But see, real black men can't use that one. They can but isn't that a chick's term. I've been walking around the blog world and since I can't say OH MY GOD, I'll just say, gawd damn.

There seems to be a lot of chest thumping in the blog world. It could be that I've just visited a few spots that ....well, you know, places were it's that kind of party.

Real black men wear a mustache don't they? I know there are those that like going O.J. all the way, but I have to admit that I would rather wear tightey whiteys than cut the hair off the top of my lip.

 Can a black man say he doesn't watch any sports? That's blasphemy ...isn't it? I don't know but it's tough being a black man. See, I can't dunk a basketball and I've never been able to pick up on the latest dance step until long after it's gone. I am still working on the flashlight and the buckhead bounce.

What about the myth that all black men are ...well, ladies, you know.

But you know what, I loved getting to a place in my life in which I didn't have to wear someones name on my clothes. Is that a black thang, you know, being poor but wearing a rich person's name on your clothes? Anyway, since I am no longer part of the flash and dash crowd, now I can just pick out something that fits. I don't care if it a shirt that cost 79 cents and there's a picture of a rooster on it, if it fits, it's mine.

Maybe it's just me. Can a real black man say he doesn't eat chicken wings? Many will admit that they've given up on the pig while others are secretly eating everything from his tooter to his rooter.

But check this, a black barber shop is a place where a black man better have his game tight. I've noticed some brothas stopping their cars a block from the barber shop to change the music. Ooooh yeah, they wouldn't be caught dead listening to Bailey Rae or Ameh Larnieux. Silly isn't it, but it happens. Yes sir, out goes Brian Mc knight, in goes Tupac and Biggie. Don't even mention driving up listening to Floetry.  Btw, I love Floetry.   Anyway, I once was joked in the barber shop because I had on hush puppies. But I capped back, I joked on the fool wearing the Scareface sneakers. Scareface tennis shoes ...are you kidding me?! The boy had Tony Montana's face all over his shoes. Must be a black thang.

Can a black man say he's a choir director without getting a strange look? Come on now, yawl saw Kat Williams in First Sunday. What were you laughing at, Kat Williams or the fact that you know someone just like him. I think I know the answer to that question.

Some roles are changing though. I was with a women that ask me if I would still be with her if she couldn't cook. I said, "come on baby, you know I feel for you, but a black women that doesn't cook is like a new car without tires, where are we going to go?". Seriously, do that make black women that can't cook? I love to cook, but I think that's always been okay for a black man to say he can burn with the best. Just the other day I asked a question about how to cook chicken wings and this one brotha broke in talking like bubba from Forrest Gump. He said, I's the chicken wing king, I stew'em, I's frys'em, I bar-bee-cue dem and I eat them by the boat load. But does a black man have to cook soul food? I am hesitant to say what I like to cook because I don't want someone knocking on my door and asking me for my soul brother card.

I think I'll play it safe today. I have to get a hair cut, so  I am going to pull out my Jordans' and a pair of jeans with someones name on the back pockets. I wouldn't be catch dead in a pair of Wranglers ...well, unless I was cutting the grass. Nope, am not going to wear my Levi 501's to the barber shop. I love the fit of 501's but it's tough being a black man.

5 comments:

RiPPa said...

Welcome to the blog world bruh. Its indeed a learning experience. I like this blog and I'm feeling the theme entirely. And yes, it was funny and real all at the same time.

Now if I were you, I wouldn't tell other Black people offline that you write blogs. Uh huh, I've been doing the blog thing for some time now and somehow I never got the memo that blogging isn't cool for Black men.

When I tell people offline what I do for fun. They often look at me like all I do is sit at home and play Madden on Xbox.

Keith said...

Welcome to the Blog world Fam...Just do you, that's what I've always done. Listen to what you like, do what'cha like. Be an original...There is no rule book that says or defines what a Black man should be. In my house, I do 85 % of the cooking..My wife has always liked that I can help out in that area.
Even though I collect jerseys of my favorite sports teams...I too believe in buying clothes that are comfortable. I don't want anybody's name on my stuff either. Oh yeah, and I feel you on the music..I like Corrine Bailey Rae, just as much as I like Tupac and Biggie...depends on my mood. This was a great peice. I can see that we think a lot alike..Welcome again and do come back to my blogs..It's always great to make a new blog friend.

(Did I tell you?...Zack and Mizrepresent introduced me to the blog world when I started
out last year..You're in great company.)

CareyCarey said...

You ain't never lied, RiPPa. I used to be married and when I had to find something to feel the void, I found comfort in my PC. I don't do dating services or facebook. Book discussions sites and the wealth of information on the web are a joy. Even when ol'girl calls and I tell her what I am doing she thinks it's weird. Not weird but strange that I can say I am cool and I am not hungry. She calls my little spot "Amen Corner". I noticed you have your mustache AND stingy beard *lol* ...you doing it. Thanks for stopping by.

@ Keith: Yeah man, Mizrepresent is good people. She told me to look around her site and introduce myself. I looked over your site and saw that you were in the Air Force Reserves. I was in the Regular Air Force. I am with you, I might listen to Etta James and then flip to Tupac and JayZ. When the mood hits me I might be found playing Ledisi or Will Downing. Jahiem gets some of my playing time as well.

I'll keep dropping by your site and see how the big dogs do it. Thanks for looking out.

SLC said...

I thought you were one of the big dogs. You know, I think my idiosyncrasies have helped make me more popular in a positive way. RiPPa, Keith's Space, and CareyCarey. Three great blogs, and each one is totally different from the other two. We don't all look alike, talk alike, dress alike, or write alike. And that, I like.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

GM you!

What an awesome treat to see that you still know the way to my little blissful get away ;-)

I posted the link so that you would have to revisit me (lol)

Also, I just published my real book of poetry. Please support my efforts to feed and shelter the homeless, one book at a time.

The $ is going to 2 different shelters and I'd love it if you could make a contribution.

Because I self published, my royalty is small. But my reward is not in the sale of the book, it's in Heaven ;-)

Sent w/lots of love
(here's the link)

www.xlibris.com/DeniseMFuller.html

Hugs and kisses
China