Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Death! ....In The Cheap Seats

Death! What is it good for?

Most individuals pay taxes. We all will die.

Today I am laying out my black suit. My favorite uncle passed away; he was 81 yrs old. I've been asked by my family to say a few words. I've been here before.

I gave the eulogy at my father-in-law's funeral. He died 9 months ago. My favorite aunt passed away 3 months ago. I spoke at her husbands funeral over 20 yrs ago. I did the same at hers.

My uncle was a good man. I've been searching for words to say. I will be standing in front of my family and friends. I want to say what is right, NOT "say" it right.

Death can be a learning process for the living. I've had 2 experiences that
required me to look deep into the meaning of death and the lessons that may be learned from it.

My wife passed away from cancer. From her diagnosis to the end, it probably was one of the better parts of our lives together. When the end is inevitable, life takes on a different meaning. False images of success and love lose their value.

Two weeks before her passing the doctor told me that there was nothing else they could do. He suggested I take her home from the hospital. My wife was in great spirits. On the surface one couldn't tell she was dying but the end was near. I left the hospital to prepare a place for her in our home. A special bed was needed along with several machines that needed monitoring day and night. I felt overwhelmed. When I arrived back at the hospital, my wife greeted me with a smile. She was strapped in a gurney waiting for me to take her home. We had traveled many roads together and now I felt alone. I didn't know how I was going to do all the things necessary to keep her comfortable. I didn't want to show my fear but my face couldn't hide it. My wife asked me what was wrong. I told her that I didn't think I could do this. She looked at me and gave me another smile. She said we will do the best we can. When I heard the word we, I knew she was worried about me. We would travel the road together like we've always done before. She was prepared for her next journey.

Over the next 2 weeks our communication was reduced to a small movement of her toe. She could hear me but she couldn't speak. I slept underneath her bed with a string tied to me so I could feel her movements. She had faith in her god. She didn't fear death. It would be years before I found that same faith.

My father passed away under similar circumstances.

All my family is in town today. My uncle was a good man. I hope I can find the right message.

11 comments:

SLC said...

Sorry for your loss. Know that I'm praying for you bro and I know the Lord will speak through you, for you, and to you.

Catch you Soon,
SLC

A.Smith said...

If what the Lord gives you to speak is anything close to what you wrote, it'll be right, but I bet, more importantly, it'll feel right.

Solomon said...

I'm sure everything will be just fine, you will do, and say, exactly what is needed.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

We are here and near in support of you doing this difficult time. You're wife, GOD's Angel will whisper the "right" words just before you speak. Man, the party is going to be off the chain when we get to HEAVEN! (smile)

Love, hugs and prayers
The butterfly!

Strongblkwmn said...

Sorry for all of your losses. You have a wonderful way with words and I know you will come up with the right ones to celebrate your uncle's life.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Hey Carey, I really appreciatr the visit; especially the sentiment that you came by for inspiration. On that note here is the best if can offer. A quote from a very dear blog buddy of mine. "She had faith in her god. She didn't fear death. It would be years before I found that same faith."

You could have very well said, "I have yet to find that same faith."

Love, peace & blessings!
Ms. Butterfly

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

pls excuse the typos. just treated myself 2 a minature laptop and i'm trying to get use to the fact that my hands are much bigger than the thing itself :-)

Mizrepresent said...

Carey, i have the greatest of confidence that you will deliver the eulogy and speak on your relatives as to how they would have wished. You, my friend are a spirited individual with the gift of gab and that special presence to make us all feel good. Don't ever lose that! That is indeed a gift. Once again, you have touched me with your words and outporing...thanks for the rain, it has been truly fulfilling.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you and your family. I know that your words came "from your heart" and that everyone was in good spirits because this is not our "home." We are all just passing "through" on our way to HEAVEN!

Love ya.

truth said...

CareyCarey,
My condolences go out to you and your family.

By now, you probably have already spoken at the funeral and I'm confident you came up with the right words to say.

Your wife sounds like a courageous and beautiful woman, I believe God needed another angel, so he called her home.

Loss is difficult to deal with, may God comfort you and help you grieve through this tough time.

CareyCarey said...

I'd like to thank everyone for stopping by and leaving your kind words. As yawl know I like running my mouth so I thought I'd better not address everyones comment on an individual bases. See, that would probably be as long as a post and we know how long they can be.

Thanks. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to drop through.

I think my thing went ok. Well, my son said I did a good job and that pleases my heart.