Friday, April 24, 2009

Shut The F*ck Up! Stop telling me it's just yo' MF'in opinion!

If I were your mother, would you change your tune?
If I was your girlfriend, would you tell me true?
If I was your man, would you tell me 2?

One of my blog friends awarded me a honor the other day. I respect this person and I am yet to honor that award with an "acceptance" speech. I will soon get to that at a later date. In her letter describing me and my blog she mentioned that my writing is much like the words of an old uncle in the family. She said my stories sometimes meandered away from the central point yet, they left her with something to ponder and reflect on. I wrote her an e-mail telling her how much I appreciated being described as the old friendly uncle.

I buried MY uncle the other day. The family was there and I had a job to do. My cousin, his daughter, the lawyer from Chicago was there. The school superintendent from Plano, Texas was there. Mrs. Banks was there. She raised 10 children, one a police officer. He was there too. My cousin Shelly was there. She's a poet that advocates against domestic violence. Another uncle of mine is the retired pastor of the church in which the funeral was held ...he was there too. In fact, several pastors were there because our family is rooted in the community, we've been there since 1865. My cousin that gives me the hookup on the 5 dollar foot longs brought her kids with her. One of my brothers came through looking like Shaft. Yep, the Internet and the new wave fashions will never take him alive. There were a hand full of white people there as well. One of my uncle's sons is married to a white women.

I had prepared my speech after days of deep reflection. I looked over the diverse crowd and then decided that my speech may not be appropriate. I paused and decided to speak as a few of the commenters on my blog recommended. I decided to let god speak through me and tell nothing but the truth. See, that wasn't hard to do because my uncle always gave it to me with truth leading the way. My stories that I was prepared to tell may not have been understood by others but I knew they saw the same man that I did regardless of where they met him.

I did tell a few stories. I told the one in which he had to get me out of jail after I wrecked my brothers car. My brother was off to college and my parents were visiting him. I told another about how he showed me trust by giving me the keys to a van to drive his youngest son around his cleaners route ....AFTER I demolished my brother's car. His son has physical disabilities yet my uncle was planting a seed in the both of us. He was getting his son ready for a life that may not be fair to him but that he could get a job and do it well. He was letting me know that a person can make a mistake but we all need a second chance ...but there are consequences if you blow your chances. Oh yeah, he gave me a speech before he handed me the keys. I brought the van back and his son too. I even washed the van before returning it.

Hey, I have to me me. At this point in my post I have to say a little something. The person that gave me the aforementioned award seldom comments on my blog. See, we met on another "dance" floor. It's a place were things get a little messy ...sometimes. She doesn't generally change her strips, she's classy and fact based, but I sometimes act a damn fool. Well, I was wondering if she didn't want others to know we are friends. You know, some people change when they are around others. She would hit me privately by e-mail and tell me how wonderful a certain post was but only ran through and left a tip one time. I jokingly asked her about that and she said she's been blocked out of my blog or at least has had difficulties commenting. I raised my eyebrows at the excuse but I believed her. And maybe that's why she calls me the old family uncle because I don't know how to end this line of thought *lol*.

Oh, my uncle never changed. He didn't care if you were the city mayor or the wino on the street. He was the same to everyone. He stayed with the facts regardless of your associations or public standing. He was a good man, a mans man. He didn't care if a person was green or blue. If you were wrong, you were wrong. He didn't tolerate excuses or reasons why. He harbored a deep disdain for individuals who gave their opinion in a careless fashion. Some hide behind the words "it's just my opinion" as if they do not have to support their opinions with any valid supporting data or information. He once said to me that if a person does not take their opinion seriously enough to support them with a hint of care, then why should he even bother to listen. He said they didn't respect him so why should he waste his time being part of something he wouldn't pass on to another. He didn't cuss but he had a special name for people that gave their opinions in a willy-nilly fashion. He said they are "mushmouths". He said they talk like they have oatmeal in their mouth and that they are the only ones getting full. I love those old idioms/sayings our folks lay on us.

I bought into this ideology after sitting with him on many occasions. He would let me run my mouth on subjects I knew little about. At first I thought he was agreeing with me when he would say the words "is that right Darnie". Yeah, that my family nickname ...Darnie. I didn't catch it at first. I thought I was giving him information he didn't know about. But what he was telling me, or asking me was "is that right?". It wasn't an answer, it was a QUESTION. His reply made me question myself ....WAS that right.?

I changed my speech to make it fit everyone. Everyone might not have been able to relate to his years in the US Air Force. Some wouldn't know the importance of him being the first black man in our family to be the owner of his home. All wouldn't know about his health struggles. He shared his pain with a select few. Many didn't know that he was an adopted child. I knew that he could no longer participate in his favorite sport of bowling because of doctors orders. Many didn't know why he became a golf addict. He was a lousy golfer but his determination to be a better golfer wasn't matched by many. I simply told the crowd that the man I know is the man they knew. If he was your friend, you had a good one and he remained your friend regardless of your title ...old and new. Some get tripped up in life and lose their jobs and the titles that go with them. Some get divorced and are shunned from the family. But he was always the same.

Others spoke a few words. I didn't know he painted the whole church on his dime and on his own time ...without pay. I didn't know that he found my aunt over 60 years ago. That was really surprising because my aunt is a handful ....oh buddy. I am sort of kidding about that, but my mother's sisters (eight of them) love to run their mouths. Yes sir, they can get it on. I wonder if that's a black women thang or what? Anyway, I watched him stay composed through the "storm" and simply say her full name, and she would stop talking. I liked that. I don't know how he trained her but just the the sound of her full name made her shut her damn mouth *lol*.


I hope I didn't bore you with my family stories.
I am going to miss my uncle. I hope I did him proud while sending him on his way home.

Oh, btw, my Internet friend and I are all cool. We are like peanut butter and jam stuck on the side of a jar. She laughs at me and I laugh with her. Don't get it misunderstood.

8 comments:

Solomon said...

Your uncle sounds like a great guy, I'm sorry for your loss.

Your internet friend sounds like a good woman, keep her around, good friends are hard to come by these days.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Most people can't get to the comment portion. It takes more time than they'd care to invest... A lot of my friends comment via e-mail. But on that note, some people aren't comfortable with "certain conversations" and your personality is "unique" (smile) You don't scare me off and although my blog didn't start on a spiritual note, it seems that my newly saved "self" took it in that direction and I still get visits fromall over. So with that being said, we all have something different to offer one another and if more people would care to comment on the "blog" site, we just may learn or add something of value to our lives via your "friends" comment.

Just my opinion.
The butterfly

Love, peace and welcome back.
Have a very happy Saturday. Don't even worry about me here at work, holding down crime :-)

CareyCarey said...

Solomon said: "good friends are hard to find"

I say AMEN.

@ Miss Butterfly ...in regards to my friend, we are all cool. See, in giving me a little reward she posted a few nice things about me on HER blog. I was just joking her as friends do. Well, as I do *smile*. She's a good person. Drop by her spot http://postpostracial.wordpress.com/ there's some wisdon over there.

Thanks for all your kind words.

Btw, speaking of what friends do. If you don't explain "unique", you might end up in one of my posts as the wicked witch of the East Coast *lol*.

** from the movie The Goodfellas** ...funny how *wink*?

CareyCarey said...

Okay Miss butterfly, lets see who wants to jump in on this.

You said: "But on that note, some people aren't comfortable with "certain conversations" and your personality is "unique" (smile)"

My question is what's the fear or discomfort associated with certain conversations? Slow your roll now ...since this is a subjective issue, let me hear of situations that make you uncomfortable. Don't run from this question. I am looking for a deep insight into why "some" may be uncomfortable. If you speak of others it WILL be your opinion but I would like to hear what you (and others)have to say on the issue.

See, I think it's deeper than many will admit or understand. Don't get me wrong. There are many times I read a blog and do not comment but it not because I feel uncomfortable. I agree with your sentiments but I am just poising the question of WHY???

Can you handle this question? Are you comfortable with sharing YOUR fears? I don't want to hear how you do not harbor any fears. I want to hear why you might be hesitant to jump in on certain conversations.

Your opinion on an issue will speak for itself. Is there a fear of what others may think? Or, are some uncomfortable around others that do not think and talk like them?

Where does "others" fall into the mix?

Mizrepresent said...

lol, no whose O'Pinion are you complaining about?

RiPPa said...

Come by and checkout my latest blog...

I got something for you

HOLLA!

CareyCarey said...

@ Miz ...complaining about?

Maybe that was a joke or my question was misunderstood? Did you read my piece "Misunderstood"? Of course yu did, I wrote it for you and I *wink".

I wrote a another post on "questions within a question". I seldom do that ...ask a question with a hidden agenda. In my reply to Miss Butterfly, I was asking the question; why do some feel uncomfortable commenting on certain subjects?

Daedalus said...

I got here because you were mentioned in the same blog I was (@Rippa's).

Please accept my condolences. I remember hearing once that our ancestors only die when their memory has gone. In that way they continue to live as their deeds reverberate through our lives. You honor your uncle with your stories and remembrance.

Peace,

Eddie