Wednesday, February 16, 2011

COMFORT!!! My Quicksand -- My Lover-- My Drudger -- Like No Other!

I 've heard it said that in order to keep something we have to give it away. At times I think I 've motivated others to reach for their higher dream. Yet, I am finding it increasing hard to motivate myself. For the most part, I don't know how to do that. I mean, there's a myriad of things I should be doing. However, I lack the inspiration to awaken my will to do anything about them. I lack the spirit to make the quantitative leap from "should do" to "must do". Even if those things are not  paramount to my overall survival, I still believe they 're an essential elements to my quality of life. Unfortunately, when I envision moving on those goals, kicking them into gear, my lover becomes jealous, and consequently tricks me into believing there's no place like home - with her.

See, I think it's safe to say that for many of us, a place of comfort and a piece of mind is an illusive dream. For many it seems to be censored and ultimately censured away. It visits, yet it's quickly impeded by the shenanigans of life, some of which are fulfilling, some are necessary and many are tiring. Well, as of late, that has been my story. Comfort has kissed me, she holding me down, yet I believe she's strangling my growth, and therein lies my problem. I am unfortunately loving it. I am clinging to this comfort like a person that has kissed the sky. In my heart I know it's foolish behavior. It's a place of limited challenges and little rewards, but I can't seem to find the motivation to turn my lover into a distant lover; a lover to be visited only at the right place and at the right time.

I don't want this to appear as  a  "poor ol'Carey" story because it is not. It is the testimony of a man that cried for comfort and she arrived. This is an open letter to my new lover, telling her and asking her ....if you love me, like I love you, motivate me, set me free. I know my wish is not your command, but if you love me, as I love you .....

As I mentioned, there are many things I should be doing. I should be exercising; I am not getting younger, I am growing older. I should be cultivating my friends, giving something back, but I've lapsed into laziness and I am staying content in my own space. It's a place that doesn't require much effort and thus I receive little reward. I merely stay comfortable.

I 've often said that I am not a writer but I write, I have a blog. The term is derived from web log; a web based log or journal. Just an old journal - right? I wonder if my hesitancy to call myself a writer is a cop-out? I wonder if that's a license for me to dangle a few modifiers and  use non-logical connections between two coordinated statements or to use connections that contradict common sense. It's easier, I don't have to think about it. I don't have to be concerned with proper English. As of late, I 've grown lazy. I can place a comma anywhere I please, or give little thought to where I stick a semi-colon. My love, Miss Comfort, has given me the green light to do whatever I please. Comfort is good every once in a while, but it could be my demise.

With blase' leading the way, today I ventured to my blogspot and found a serendipitous reward. Another blogger had posted the passing of a fellow blogger named Nikki. I didn't know her but after reading all the praise of her, I visited her site. Her writing was intoxicating. She was bold and splendidly insightful. She unfolded simple issues into multilayer events. I found something when I went by her house. Read following that I copied from her blog http://iniquitous1.blogspot.com/ It blew me away.


"i've found that for me, 'safe' is dangerous.'safe' has a way of starving a life of meaning until it's left a stale skeleton emaciated from a diet of empty memories.i spent over a decade living the 'safe' life, marrying a man who lacked the significance to pose a threat to my heart, but he was the 'good brotha' everyone told me i was supposed to marry.just like i'm hearing now how i'm supposed to take this job in atlanta because it means saving money and living in relative comfort without any personal challenges because seriously, it'd be hard
for me to struggle in atlanta. i will always have a place to live, always be able to find affordable housing, and despite my complaints, will always be able to get a date.


easy.

'safe' .........i find myself at a crossroads. in the past,
when i heard folk say that, i'd be like "what in the fuck does THAT mean?!?"now i know.it is at this moment on my mortal timeline when i am paralyzed, my future forked into prongs of possibilities, my present knifed into shavings of
indecision, my past spooned into a bowl of listless existence.this moment when i realize all of the experiences prior to now were merely preparing me for the monumental decision i will soon have to make, the decision which will ultimately determine where my life moves from here" -
Nikki, February 11th 2009.

I didn't know Nikki but she gave me inspiration and motivation. Her words gave me a better understanding of how precious life is and how short it can be. If I am not moving forward, it's likely I am moving backwards. I wonder if I am a writer or a blogger or aimlessly standing still?

10 comments:

FreeMan said...

You're giving your testimony brother and that helps a lot of people. I started blogging thinking I wasn't a writer but just like anything else you keep practicing and you turn into one. I didn't realize how many people I was actually reaching until I folded up the FreeMan Press blog. The game with these blogs is you have a lot of lurkers who really are taking in everything you say. I guess it's like being a speaker and not being able to see who you are connecting with.

I fully understand the comfortableness angle in which you speak because it's nice to be able to cruise but like you said you wonder if the cruising is more like standing still. Just understand that when you write you are doing something as sharing is something its just not tangible like losing a couple of pounds here and there.

Writer or Blogger just do the damn thing! The title is less important than the effect you have on people.

FreeMan
www.riseandgrind.com

CareyCarey said...

Thanks for stopping by, Freeman. I knew this type of posts would attract a certain type of person. One of my motto's "if you can't say it, you can't do it".You always seem to find the deep breath of my posts. I am a speaker, that's what I do. You nailed it when you talked about the connection with your audience.

Yeah, I like to say comfort is the Devils workshop. Sitting still or resenting differing opinions (moving away from them) is a place of comfort and that's not good.

Check this out man. Here's a question that I'd like for you to address. The common opinion is that motivation starts within. Okay, am with that. But the deeper issue/question is, if a person has lost their motivation or never really had any to speak of, how do "they" retrieve it or find it? A fluff answer is rooted in inspiration. Yet, I'd like to ban that answer because I've seen many people get emotional/inspired by the words of a good speaker, such as a pastor but as soon as the music stops and the doors are closed, it's on, right back to the same old mess. So my brother, where is motivation found? Motavation seems to be easier to find when things are going good. More money brings on a thirst for more money. When a person is down and tired, comfort seems to be the major goal. Then we have gone full circle, waiting for the next storm.

If you will, tell me a little sumtin'.

FreeMan said...

Alrighty! Motivation is found in pain. Now you have to find what pains you and start with that. Then you lump in the other stuff that you didn't have the motivation to finish.

Case in Point! I started a business not because I wanted one I actually started one because I hated the ish I had to go through to make money. I followed the rules and was productive but kept getting shafted. So one day I had enough and believe me hell has no fury like a man who is tired of being cheated. So I sat down passed a test I didn't pass 4 times before, found a part time job at night, moved to a small apartment to save money, and started lifting weights 3 times a day.

I was preparing for war but it came out of pain. So find what you hate, start addressing that and you'll find you'll have more energy than you ever thought. You can accomplish everything that has been sitting on the table just because you addressed something you really really hate.

Inspiration and the right thing to do is not enough. Danger, Fear, being trapped, Running out of time, and a healthy dose of Fukk it will move you forward.

CareyCarey said...

MY MAN, MY MAN!

even though I like to say that I know little of anythang. It's my opinion that you killed this one.

"Inspiration and the right thing to do is not enough. Danger, Fear, being trapped, Running out of time, and a healthy dose of Fukk it will move you forward"

I agree!

Like you, I didn't find my stroke until I was in the last round, looking up from the canvas.For many, the tasks of looking for "wrongs" in their life is a slippery slope because many are constitutionally unable to be true to themselves or others. I've witnessed many that struggle with an image, or "what other think of them".

Again, we've gone full circle. If a person is too comfortable, they might want to move around. Or, chances are they will stand still, and frequently that means staying and standing in their present predicament.

I have a group of young black men that I have to speak with/to tomorrow morning. I am going to hit them with a little of your wisdom.

I'll reference our conversation, tell them your reply and go from there.

In most cases, not until we are on the precipise of total destruction ( heart and mind), do we really change. For many, that only happens when death knocks.

I hear you!

Thanks for stopping in.

FreeMan said...

So how was it received? I was waiting on a thumbs up or a thumbs down bruh!

CareyCarey said...

OH MAN, you wouldn't believe what happened. Most of it was good but check this out. Let me set this up.

A female friend of mine that works at this school, and "knows" me, and has heard me speak, plugged me into this event. Okay, prior to my part, I exchanged hello's with other individuals on the program (stuff shirts)and told them of my background. They were excited and asked for my business card.

Now, I was a hit with the students, I had them, the message was well recieved. But, although my friend was running this affair, she had white people above her (administration/HR), that didn't see eye-to-eye with "me", my BACKGROUND, coming into "their" school.

Can you believe that! I know schools are cautious and everything but I wonder if they thought my friend should have cleared it with them so they could have provided me with a police escort, so I wouldn't rob the students or tell them how to rob banks *lol*.

As you've said, you're a big fat sucker if you work for someone else, because it's their vision, their money, and their stupid minds.

My friend works there, I DON'T. She's pissed off but she went back to work. Yep, a pissed off sucker.

CareyCarey said...

Oh, let me tell you about the message. Like I said I would do for this occasion, I opened with what I consider to be the 4 biggest stumbling block of life; relationships, finances, drug & alcohol, image. It's my belief and experience that indebtedness, poor relationships (friends, women, etc.), drugs & alcohol, and a warped self image (trying to uphold one, or worrying about what other think/see), will take a person down for the count.

I talked about your message (experience) and mine. I hit them with the fact that happiness and a piece of mind does not come from another man's dream. I wrapped all of my message around pain. Of course "pain" comes in all flavors but my message carried a theme of caution to those things that will inevitably cause us distress, if we do not put deep thought into a process.

I closed with a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. that says, "Rarely do we find men who willing engage in hard, solid thinking. There's an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think"

On the comfort tip, while I was speaking, I hit them with "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy"

Thanks for the brain wave, Freeman.

FreeMan said...

No problem bruh! I'm glad my late night thinking can be applied to something practical, instead of another sleepless night.

tia said...

Thanks for sharing the link to this post in your reply to me via Diane's blog. Yes, we're on the same page with the motivation thing. I see you wrote this a few days ago. Have you figured out your solution yet?

CareyCarey said...

Hi tia, I am pleased that you stopped by. I am moving closer to finding a solution. In reference to what Diane said about not receiving a reciprical response from someone in which she invest time, I've learned that love don't love nobody, unless, they "need" us. So, when I try to prioritize, I am trying to see if it's a need our a want.

Like at Diane's blog, we were talking about moving away from social sites that we've come to believe were empty time pools. Well, in the motivation game, I now know that as much as I may want to do something, or complete something, it's doubtful it will get done if it doesn't fit into a real need. I have to accept that fact, and it may be a blessing. I think we put so much time and energy into things that really don't matter.

So yes, if it really doesn't matter, I mean, REALLY DOESN'T, it's not going to inspire me to be motivated about it. I guess it's a maturing thang, am working on it.