Friday, October 7, 2011
Day O, Daaay O, Eli's Comon' And I Should Have Stayed Home: The Book Of Eli... Book'em Dano!
I work all day till the sun go down. Money short, but I go anyhow. Eight foot, seven foot, tally me banana. Daylight come and I me wanna go home.
When I found out Denzel was in a new movie, I had to get some of that! The Hughes Brothers were the directors. Oh boy! I had to have some of that. The movie, my date, pop & popcorn... could cost me 50 bucks. I got that.
I went to see the movie The Book of Eli. I didn't get it. I mean, I got it, but I want my money back. But wait, outside the theater I asked a woman what she thought of the movie. She said it was awesome, okay. Well, different strokes for different folks but check this. If you like the following, this movie is tailor made for you.
Did you like the movies "Mad Max In The Thunder dome", "Escape From New York", or Martin Scorsese's campy "Kings Of New York? If yes, you'll love The Book of Eli.
How about your taste of unbelievable endings that are totally ridiculous, even by Hollywood standards? If you like being pimp slapped by the director's fat hand, step right up... you'll love The Hughes Brothers.
How about fight scenes, do you love them? Okay, let's crank it up a notch. What if the hero of the movie was able to kill 10 people -- at one time -- while wearing a dark mask, which blocked any chance of him seeing his victims? Hold it, we are not done. What if this same man -- while wearing this same dark mask -- was able to shoot down flying birds? But wait, slow your roll, the good gets better. lets say he was able to do this fantastic feat while using a bow and arrow? Yes, a flying bird, a bow & arrow, and a man wearing a mask... how ya like me now?
I don't know what tickled the fancy of the woman outside the theater, but a movie wouldn't be complete without a religious message, or T & A, blood and guts... right? Well, it's all in the Book Of Eli. Reserve your tickets on-line if that's your cup of tea. Eli has it all. Denzel doesn't remove his clothes in many movies, and he doesn't do it in this one, but loose women are at his beckon call. Yes, if leisurely women ring your bell, this movie is for you. Wait a minute, check that, Denzel does give the women something to talk about. You'll have to use your imagine on this one. What can be sexy about Denzel and KFC wet napkin? I didn't get it either, but some women sucked it up. But don't go to the movie just to see Denzel wipe his behind with a left over Kentucky fried chicken handy-wipe.There's more things to get excited about. Not for me but....
Speaking of love, Al Green appears in this movie. Well, he doesn't, but one of my favorite songs explodes on the scene. Really, I love his version of "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart". See, I'd like to think of myself as a romantic, and when that song came on, they almost had me. Check out these words: --- How can you mend a broken heart / how can a loser ever win/ [tell me] how can you stop / the sun from shinning / what makes the world go round?
Boy oh boy, while listening to that song, I remembered a past lover that is now long gone... I dropped a tear. But like a flash flood, the scene quickly changed. All of a sudden we're a to the back lot of Mad Max -- In The Superdome -- Gone Wild. No expenses were spared for these scenes. They were complete with armor plated 1956 Edsels and rocket launchers. If you like suspense, these scenes will hold you, because Denzel flirts with death. Well, although the house in which he's hiding is blown to shreds by rockets and Gatling guns (yes Gatling guns), Denzel manages to come out unharmed.
I don't want to give away the movie, but if you like epic adventures like Guy Johnson's "Standing At The Scratch Line", you're gonna love Danzel's (Eli) 30 year adventure. Did I say thirty years? Yep, Denzel evades the most notorious pirates, murderers, thieves, scanky women, flesh eating cannibals and an assortment of damn fools, while on this 30 year journey. But if you're not feeling any of this, how about a little religion with your mission impossible?
I am not going to go there, I can't spill all the beans, but another blogger thought it was a propaganda movie. I don't know, but God does work miracles in this movie.
Like I said, movie watching is a very subjective experience. But for me, this movie tore through my soul. Look, I've been riding with Denzel from day one. I've seen all of his movies. Who can deny the brilliance of the Hughes brothers? When they broke-out with Menace II Society, I was theirs for the long haul. I even enjoyed a movie that many didn't see... "From Hell". It was their take on Jack the Ripper. In anticipation of seeing The Book of Eli, I was as giddy as a child on Christmas Eve. Heck, I even bypassed my bootleg man to watch it at a real theater. I guess Santa must have checked my list. He must have found out that I've been naughty... not nice. I was left with a black piece of coal.
Like "Precious", this movie had a great supporting cast. You can't go wrong with a cast of pretty women and Gary Oldman. Who can forget his role as the white skinned Rastafarian pimp, Drexl Spivey, in the movie "True Romance"? But see, I am still wondering how his character, Carnegie, was able to maintain his power over a ruthless town of renegades? Maybe it was his secret water supply? Well, since an atomic blast totally scorched the earth, food and water were at a minimum. Devious Carnegie sold water by the shot glass. But see, I don't know if the town folks were complete idiots, or if the director thought I was, but come to find out, water was a few miles down the road. Salty, but nevertheless, water.
I don't know what the Hughes brothers were trying to do. I saw a little of Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof and Robert Rodriguez's "From Dusk Till Dawn". Oh, and a little Moses thrown in for the religious crowd.
They said Eli is coming. I hope he gets here real soon because he has my money in his pocket, and I want it back.
Day O, daaay O, daylight comin' and I should have stayed home.
The Book of Eli... Book'em Dano. TEN TOES way down for this one.