Friday, June 25, 2010

The Baby Momma Drama part 3




Co-parenting is like the game of Tic-Tac-Toe; the game with the 9 squares. The square in the middle is the key. But unfortunately some parents always want to be the "ex" in the middle. The game is won when three "X's" or three "O's" are all aligned in one row, not when the ex is in the middle. It doesn't matter if they are aligned diagonally, across or up and down, they just need to be in line. But some parents are like the actor that wants to write the screenplay, build the props, and direct all the other players in their own way. They desire to be the "ex" in the center square at all cost. The co-parent turned director unknowingly turns a nice family movie into a horror flick. They stay stuck in the middle square failing to grasp the concept of a team player - family player. Tic-Tac- OH NO! Although the center square can be key to winning the game, the game can be won without it.

There I was, stuck in the middle. A man that had walked a tightrope of life was about to fall down. I was stuck between a gun wielding women and another woman lost in disbelief. Debbie's eye left mine and slowly traveled to the child running behind me. She looked back at me and then back to the child. Her face said it all, she realized that was my son. Her eyes swelled with tears. Rita was behind me calling my name.

Debbie was by no means the type of woman to carry a gun. Years later I asked her what she was going to do with the gun, she said, shoot your ass! I asked her why she didn't do it. She said, what kind of woman would she be if she shot a man while a crying child ran behind him saying, daddy daddy. I then asked her where she got the gun and she said, your brother.

I think it's safe to assume that many have a few choice names for me. I do not think it would be a stretch to include louse and jerk, and I would agree. However, in defense of myself, I would rather have been a wolf, a pig or a dog than to presently be a bad parent. I am not saying it's okay to be bad person or to have been a bad person. I think it's wiser to learn from our mistakes and grow through them. Some individuals are lousy husbands and dreadful wives yet good parents. Many people can not live with another person or at least their ex. Some didn't know how to love another until a child came into their lives. To a large degree, my story is no different than any other co-parent. There's a relationship or relationships that didn't work out. We can start right there. Who was at fault? Does it really matter?! Who's the judge of righteousness?

Parenting is not a reflex move - our emotions control us. We are the only animals on earth that get up by alarm clocks, and not because we are no longer sleepy. We drink several bottles of water because someone said it's the right thing to do, not because we are thirsty. We do so many things on the advice/words of others. Frequently they no nothing about us, nor our predicaments.

I had two great parents. My father has passed away. My father was the best man I've ever known. Not simply because he was my father, just because he was a good man. After my father passed away, I found out that he too had an affair. In fact, he also had a child by another women. The man was about the same age as my older brother. I came across this information by accident when a person asked me why I didn't attend my brother's funeral. I knew "my" brother had not died so I went to my mother to ask questions. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. My father made a few mistakes as a young man and I knew nothing about them. Had my mother used this information in a spiteful way, it could have affect the whole family dynamics. There's a valuable lesson in my mother's silence. I think it's important that the child make the determination of the character of the man and it should not come from the mouth of the other parent - it serves no purpose.

The Momma drama continues....


Standing between two women, I was riddled with shame and guilt, I didn't know what to do. Debbie dropped her head and walked away. Rita was furious. I picked up my son and walked toward the car. It was a five hour drive back to the military base. Rita lived in base housing. I frequently stayed there several nights. We were not married, I had an apartment off base. That night I stayed at my apartment. The next day, after talking with Rita, I drove back to my home town to talk with Debbie. She said not to come but I went anyway.


To be continued ....... The final cut is coming up.

This piece is part of a series written for http://coparenting101.org/.
The blog's mission is to provide a place for those going through the struggles of co-parenting to share their stories and to maybe find answers. Many issues are examined - the new father/the new girlfriend/dating/problems with the ex/visitations, etc,.



Solomon said...
I thought today would be the conclusion, the suspense is killing me.


Tia said...
I've come to the conclusion that you're writing my story!


CareyCarey said...
Well Solomon, you must not be a reader. I mean, I usually don't want a good book to end. But wait, maybe this story is a story you want to through on the floor. I no longer have to finish a book just because I started it. If it doesn't grab me I will shut it down. Maybe that's it?What do you want me to conclude? Solomon, I will tell you that one of the women has a son that is presently playing quarterback in the NFL. How's that for suspense?!@ Tia ...looky here, you've returned with your mysterious self. I am afraid to comment to much to you because I get the sneakin' hunch that you know me and the people I am talking about? Have we shared a kiss?

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...
Very, very interesting. Staying tuned, when crime doesn't interfere with me checking in!Love ya.Free Spirit


Blu Jewel said...
I'm on the edge waiting...this is like reading one of Keith's stories.love to live;live to love!

CareyCarey said...
Hello Miss Butterfly, I am happy that you had a little time to put down those handcuffs and read along. That takes me to Blu Jewel.So you say this reminds you of keith's stories. Well, at times I wish I could write his type of stories he's doing a little freaky Deaky over there *lol*. My story(1) is always going to be the same ....no cut ,no chaser, it's my life's story.Keith and I do have a lot of similarities. We were both in the same branch of the armed forces. We both love Thunderstorms and love to eat.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...
This is some straight-up draaaaaaaaaaaaamah!


CareyCarey said...
*lol* @ the black woman with the trumpet. How do you spell relief? I know I needed some.


Solomon said...
You are killing me Carey, when is the conclusion to this story.What kind of brother are you to leave us hangin' like this?

Opinionated Diva said...
floored at her coming after you with gun in hand...so gangsta! lolhell hath no fury...ow!eagerly awaiting the conclusion

2 comments:

Untouched Jewel said...

This has been a good story thus far. Just about reminds me of what I'm going through right now with my youngest son's father. Alot of what he did puzzled me. Now, I could care less....smh.
Anyway, at least you are one man who is brave enough to share this information to the world like that.

CareyCarey said...

Untouched Jewel, whatsup girl.

You know I've read some of your stories, and yes, you've gone through a few struggles. But tell me, did you ever feel like hurting anyone?

And, I didn't know you were still reading my mess? What brings you this way, so late in the game?