Friday, July 30, 2010

NOW THAT WE'VE ALL SEEN THE BOOK OF ELI, I'M LOOKING FOR THE HUGHES BROTHERS.


I work all day till the sun go down. Money short, but I go anyhow. Eight foot, seven foot, tally me banana. Daylight come and I me wanna go home.

Eli came and I should have stayed home!

Now that everyone has seen The Book Of Eli, tell me, have you seen the Hughes Brothers? I need to talk to them because they have my money in their pockets, and I want it back.


When I found out Denzel was in a new movie, I had to get some of that! The Hughes Brothers were the directors. I had to have some of that. The movie, my date, pop & popcorn... could cost me 50 bucks. I got that.

I went to see the movie The Book of Eli. I didn't get it. I mean, I got it, but I want my money back. But wait, outside the theater I asked a woman her opinion of the movie. She said it was awesome. Well, different strokes for different folks but If you liked Mad Max In The Thunder dome, Escape From New York, or Martin Scorsese's campy Kings Of New York, you probably loved this pimp slapin'?

How about your taste of unbelievable endings that are totally ridiculous even by Hollywood standards? If you like being pimp slapped by the director's fat hand, you probably love The Hughes Brothers.

How about fight scenes, do you love them? Okay, let's crank it up a notch. What if the hero of the movie was able to kill 10 people -- at one time -- while being blind! Hold it, we are not done. What if this same man -- while being totally blind -- was able to shoot down flying birds? But wait, slow your roll, the good gets better. lets say he was able to do this fantastic feat while using a bow and arrow? Yes, a flying bird, a bow & arrow, and a blind man!

I don't know what tickled the fancy of the woman outside the theater, but a movie wouldn't be complete without a religious message, T & A, blood and guts, right? Well, it's all in the Book Of Eli.


Denzel doesn't remove his clothes in many movies and he doesn't do it in this one, but from what I've been hearing, some women still got excited. You'll have to use your imagination or be a desperate women because what's sexy about Denzel and a KFC wet napkin? I didn't get it, but some women sucked it up. But who goes to the movies just to see Denzel wipe his behind with a left over Kentucky fried chicken handy-wipe. There's more things to get excited about. Not for me but....

Al Green appears in this movie. Well, he doesn't but one of my favorite songs explodes on the scene. Really, I love his version of How Can You Mend A Broken Heart. See, I'd like to think of myself as a romantic, and when that song came on, they almost had me... "How can you mend a broken heart / how can a loser ever win/ [tell me] how can you stop / the sun from shinning / what makes the world go round"

Boy oh boy, while listening to that song, I remembered a past lover... I dropped a tear. But like a flash flood, the scene changed. All of a sudden we're at the back lot of Mad Max In The Superdome -- Gone Wild. No expenses were spared for those scenes. They were complete with armor plated 1956 Edsels and rocket launchers. Well, although the house in which Denzel is hiding, is blown to shreds by rockets and Gatling guns (yes Gatling guns), Denzel manages to come out unharmed.

I don't want to give away the movie, but if you like epic adventures like Guy Johnson's Standing At The Scratch Line, you're gonna love Eli's 30 year adventure. Did I say thirty years? Yep, Denzel evades the most notorious pirates, murderers, thieves, scanky women, flesh eating cannibals and an assortment of damn fools, and he's BLIND! But if you're not feeling any of this, how about a little religion with your mission impossible?

Yep, the Hughes Brothers pandered to the religious crowd. I don't know, but God does work miracles in this movie.

Like I said, movie watching is a very subjective experience. But for me, this movie tore through my soul. Look, I've been riding with Denzel from day one. I've seen all of his movies and who can deny the brilliance of the Hughes brothers? What? When they broke-out with Menace II Society, I was theirs for the long haul. I even enjoyed a movie that many didn't see, titled "From Hell". It was their take on Jack the Ripper.
In anticipation of seeing The Book of Eli, I was as giddy as a child on Christmas Eve. Heck, I even bypassed my bootleg man to watch it at a real theater. I guess Santa must have checked my list and checked it twice, he must have found out I've been naughty... not nice. I was left with a black piece of coal, called The Book Of Eli.

Like "Precious", this movie had a great supporting cast. You can't go wrong with a cast of pretty women and Gary Oldman. Who can forget his role as the white skinned Rastafarian pimp, Drexl Spivey, in the movie True Romance? But see, I am still wondering how his character, Carnegie, was able to maintain his power over a ruthless town of renegades? Maybe it was his secret water supply? Well, an atomic bomb totally scorched the earth, food and water were at a minimum, so Devious Carnegie sold water by the shot glass. But see, I don't know if the town folks were complete idiots, or if the director thought I was, because water was a few blocks down the road. Salty, but nevertheless, water.

I don't know what the Hughes brothers were trying to do. I saw a little of Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof and Robert Rodriguez's "From Dusk Till Dawn". Oh, and a little Moses thrown in for the religious crowd.

They said Eli is coming. I hope he gets here real soon and brings the Hughes Brothers with him because they have my money in their pockets, and I want it back.

Day O, daaay O, daylight comin' and I should have stayed home.

The Book of Eli... Book'em Dano, they've committed a crime. TEN TOES way down for this one.


Solomon said...
Thanks for spending yo' money Carey so I don't have to! *lol* It was that bad? Tell me more about Moses.


FreeMan said...
OK the propaganda flick with a cat taking 30 years to get across country! Damn slaves and Harriet Tubman could make it from South to North a couple of times and this guy takes 30 years. I don't know if 30 years symbolizes something in the Bible.Then the cat is supposedly carrying and defending the truth that happens to be a Bible in Braile! WTF kind of propaganda is this where the guy who holds all the water is bothering the guy who carries the blind mans bible (symbolism again?)I like the Hughes Brothers as Menace was a better portrayal of LA ganglife than Boyz but what the Hell! I got my money back because someone has to let me know I'm going to bear witness to the awesome power of Jesus by doing a Ye though I walk through the shadow of death movie!C'mon I can't wait for Spike to do a Islamic Movie about Muhammad and then disguise it as a romantic comedy. LMBAO this was let me say it again I got my money back!

CareyCarey said...
FreeMan, you know I was feeling you on this one. But man, over at chele one's spot, they are going gaga over the movie.But check this Freeman. Could you come back and revamp your comment. See, I don't think we should give away the big bang. You know, the book and the man. Just reshape it a little bit.If you don't, I'll have to call you my fat head brother,because he loves telling me the end of a movie.I look at it as kissing a woman and then telling her husband. Of course I am joking but you know what I mean :-).Put some mufflers on that comment... please, pretty please. I like the rest. It was straight out of your kitchen.


CareyCarey said...
I don't know Solomon, you might like it. I am just a stickler for a hint of believablity. I can do campy. I can do fight scenes. Blood doesn't run me away from a movie. I loved the Ten Commandments but...But don't shake them all in hat and ask me to call it a good movie. Don't hit me with a cheap ending and then expect me to call it inspirational.


OneChele said...
LOL! OMG - you really hated it, huh. First off, it was scruffy Denzel so I was pre-inclined to like it.Also I have the ability to completely suppress my disbelief and just go with the movie, suspending all reality. Even when it's side-eye worthy (like the bouncing bullets and ducktaped stomach wound). Aw well, we'll agree to disagree on this one ;-)


CareyCarey said...
LOL with OneChele. I had completely forgot about the stomach wound or the bouncing bullets.Okay, maybe Denzel had been shot before so he had that duck tape in his pocket. You know, gut shots at close range doesn't have to be deadly, right. Maybe I shouldn't be so picky?But Chele, I loved most of the special affects, but it appears as if they ran out of money by the time they got to the "river crossing scene". I mean, when Denzel and ol'girl were in the boat, it looked like they borrowed that back drop from The Bird Man Of Alcatraz.Yep, it looks like we are divided on this one. You gave it 4 1/2 purple shoes. I gave it 10 toes down. See you at the movies.Oh, I hear Percival Everett has a new book. Angela Bassit and her husband, Courtney, are in the process of trying to bring his older one "Erasure" to the screen (so I've been told). Maybe we'll meet again. Do come back. Don't be a stranger.


FreeMan said...
Man I thought we could talk freely now about the movie. That's why I waited til you put something up. I didn't even want to comment on the movie. Just call me Fat Head then...

CareyCarey said...
Freeman, you fathead! :-)


Maxine said...
Sounds like a waste of time...I wonder if it will even come to Australia. I haven't seen it advertised here at all. It'll probably turn up 3 months down the track...everything does that here, even the weather.Thanks for the honesty one again, Carey.

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