Sunday, August 23, 2015

LOOKING OVER THE WALL: I can't go back there!




Several years ago when I first started participating in Internet discussions, I was lost. I had a distorted image of happiness. Well, maybe not lost, but certainly adrift. I am reminded of those guys in the movies, you know, the starving castaway on a makeshift raft, peering over the tops of waves, looking for land, and just living on hope. Yet, somewhere deep inside, I couldn’t give up.

Today I have a motto “What About A Time Called Now”. It’s here and now, in the moments of creating and expressing my thoughts, where I feel the most at ease and confident. In many ways  it’s always felt just right, and it always brought me a rush of emotions, most of them the best I’ve ever known.

Now the downside of it is, there’s always some jerk who stands in judgment of what you do. The harshest criticism always seems to come from those that truly have no idea what you’re doing and truly has no gift of their own. And,  are just plain pissed off that you’re happy and happily plying your craft. That is of course, if you’re making the world a little more ugly, then that type of personality will gladly hold your hand and dance through the stankin' muck filled sewer, proclaiming that you, just like they, see only how awful it all is, and take pleasure in the celebration of it. But somewhere along my journey, I came to understand that any D- minus person can see how terrible things are. That didn’t take any skills.

If a person wishes to be a full time cynic, that’s their very unfortunate choice. They are sometimes right, and romantics are generally wrong, but a romantic needs to be right only one time in their life, and that’s when they find something or someone they truly love.

I guess love is what this post is really all about. I know it’s not common for a dude to write about love, and maybe it would be best served if that’s all I said, but then you wouldn’t get the full flavor of my thoughts and me. That would be unfair to both of us.

Through my blog I try to produce something that makes people feel. Feelings are the enemy of the lazy, blind followers and the so called elite. You can’t be smarter than them or do things different than them, or have more courage to express your true thoughts, than them.  They might crucify you. The common man, on the other hand, has a conscience. He has little time for BS. The common man can spot BS ten miles away, and that’s why, in some circles, there’s a small place for him.

However, having said that, I’ve come to believe that a journey shared with whomever, is more deeply moving an experience than a journey taken alone. Human beings need validation, that’s how we learn. I might say or feel something that’s not clear to me, others will say something similar, and then it’s heads straight ahead. Art, in all it’s forms, that is shared, is part of the feeling process. When there’s no feelings, there’s no statement. Where there’s no statement, there’s no sharing. When there’s no sharing, there’s no beauty. When there’s no beauty, there’s no art, and consequently, there is no love.

When I see beauty everywhere and in everything, my soul is set free. No one can take that from me. Then I am free to love and express my feelings and emotions in a way that might seem strange or different to others...  and that's okay.

In short, I’ve been places that I never wish to return to. Not just a place on the map, but in my heart and in my mind.  There are certain things that I can no longer afford to embrace.  My motto.... What About A time Called Now!

Thanks for reading my reflections of today. Thoughts?  Opinions? Feel free to share them.




16 comments:

Solomon said...

Thank you for sharing Carey!

It is refreshing to have somebody like you that always comes right out and says what is on their mind!

And you are a master story teller Bro, it is amazing how much I have learned from reading between the lines, when reading all about your pain, and hardship, and struggles.

jjbrock said...

Carey don't let jerky people get under your skin....I co-sign with Solomon on this.

Mizrepresent said...

Carey as long as i have known you, you have stirred the pot, dished out your own brand of CAREOLOGY and lived to brag about it, lol! why change? Now if change is for the good, then without further adieu BE about it...but if it's just change to blend in...not worth it. So, what about a time called NOW?

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

I feel ya on all your points, Carey. Glad you didn't give up blogging, we need your perspective speaking loud and clear :-).

CareyCarey said...

Hello All,

Although over 8,000 people has viewed this blog in the past 2 weeks, I wrote this post as if I was sitting down and having a one on one conversation. It wasn't necessarily a vent, it was a reflection of my blogging journey.

So, one by one...

@ Solomon, man you're one of my longest readers. And many may not know this (how could they), you come by every day. Even when I don't post something new, you drop by. So thanks for the compliments, and sticking with me.


@ Ms. jjbrock, you were the very first to add me to your blogroll. At times I thought you'd give me the boot for some of my more risky post, but nope, you've been a true friend. And like a good friend, you came by to give me words of encouragement when you thought I was letting folks get next to me. I appreciate you, very very much.

@ Mizrepresent, what can I say. Well, as you said, you've known me for several years, so you know I take your words to heart. I am laughing with you because as you said, I love doing what I do. If it's giving it out or stirring the pot, I love the interaction. And btw, I like that "Careology".

Speaking of change, that is what I've tried to do over the course of my blogging experience. I mean, I can do church issues, politics (yuck), relationships, sports and my pesonal life issues. I try to mix it up, but to some degree, I think trying to move around, sort of inspired this post. After my new venture into Vblogs, a couple of people said "man, you ain't got nothing to do than make silly videos". Well of course that's not true (on many levels), but I didn't want to give them my full blast (negroid) reply, so I wrote this post. So Miz, don't worry, I can't change what's deep inside me, and YOU know that. Thanks for being my friend.

Miss Curvy, don't tell nobody, but I had a crush on you :-)

Well, as I said, many people have dropped by over the last 2 weeks, but you've always found the time to give a brotha a few words of wisdom. On a couple of occassions it was just me a you, so I thought, maybe this woman likes me... you know, LIKES ME *lol*.

I'm kidding but I've always respected your opinion. I don't have many blogs on my blogroll, and you are one of them. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

CareyCarey said...
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CareyCarey said...
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NUTTY J said...

Ignore the haters Carey....

Your writing speaks volumes and always make a lot of sense.

So ignore the haters...

2cute4u said...

I was here..
I left not as I came..

Moanerplicity said...

Ummm, Carey? My Brotha, when has it NOT been cool for 'a dude to write about love,' yo?

Ever hear of Willy Shakes, or Walt Whitman, or hell, Amiri Baraka??? Smell me?

'Free your mind and your ass will follow'.. but Free Your Heart & The Truth Takes a Shit, & Soon You'll Make a Vowel Movement.

umm... that latter part is all mine.

I think love is prolly written about by more men than women. Only, the trick, the deal, the rub w/ some of us is some do it between the lines, or we do it subliminally, or show the NEED for it by appearing to be displaying the opposite of that emotion. (ponder)

As for the haters, the hateful, the hate-prone... fug 'em! If anything they should be INSPIRING you to be MORE defiantly YOU, & that way, you live to PISS them off another day!

That's it. That's all.

One.

CareyCarey said...

See Moan, that's what I like about you, you keep me on my toes.

Okay, I should have qualified my "it's not cool for a dude to talk about love. Well, you're right, the list of male writers goes on and on. Heck, we could even start with Shakespheare. So, I failed to define my "cool".

You and I are both readers, so we can speak on what's cool (to a certain degree)in literature. However, it's never been cool in my neck of the woods to quote the Shakespheares of the world, nor go deep on the finer points of love. Consequently, I was referring to what's hip or cool in the world of the average black brotha.

Not that I am above average. I'm just saying many brotha's and sisters, do not read novels or any form of literture of the type you mentioned.

LoudPen said...

Excellent post! And written Carey style to take us all home! Amen! Praise Jesus! Lift your voices and sing, let the joy ring!

Now, let's to get business...Carey why is it that we write similar posts (about haters/ignorant folks) and yours comes off as spoken with love and mine comes off as angry? I think it's because that's what it is. You know how to love Carey and you know how to show that through your writing. Me? I write best when upset...which is sometimes my downfall. I guess that's when I feel the hardest. It's hard for me to describe my happiness, I can talk about what makes me happy but I can't talk about how happiness makes me feel. Maybe I need to work on that. I know this is all unrelated to your post so my bad.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you need to keep on writing, keep on blogging because you're one the realest, illest, sickest bloggers on the scene. Nobody does it like you. Nobody.

CareyCarey said...

You know what, my Long Pen from the Big Apple, you are wise beyound your years. I say that because you had the courage, that many do not have, to admit to some of your deficiences (in an open forum). And, you are no different than most humans. Anger is the easiest form of expression. Any ol'body can get mad and then talk about it.

Love and happiness is the hardest emotions to convey, express, or give to others.

In reference to my approach (not that I've arrived) I was like any other person that was afraid of their emotions or didn't know how to express them, or didn't know what they were. However, I was forced to look in another direction, or I would have continued down a path of self distruction. Mind you, it took many many years to get here, so yor're ahead of the game.

I had to first love myself (really love myself) for who I was, what I was, and what I had done in my past, and then not worry about what others said or thought about me. As I said in my post, I then became free to do my thang, as long as it was the right thing, and not some mess that I tried to rationalize into being right.

Thanks for the compliments.

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Ok now you are making me mad,here you are wasting precious time and energy trying to placate zeros,I truly believe Carey there are some people on this planet who are not worth understanding,my time is too precious to care.

2cute4u said...

CAREY!
SMH.....

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