Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Take That Down, You're Killing Me.


Woe-is-me, I can't stand the pain. I could of had a V8. The things I do that makes me wanna holler.


As a would-be, wannabe, storyteller, writer and author, I've often laid pen to paper, and came away with a masterpiece. But upon further examination, it was garbage. I mean, it all made sense in my head, but it didn't make it to paper. I wonder if other writers have experience that same dilemma? I wonder how many times bloggers have deleted a post, or have gone back in their files and edited a few.

They say a person learns how to be a better writer by reading the works of other authors. On the flip side, when I read some of my past scribblings, I've learned that I have not arrived. Heck, I am not even in the ball park, not to mention the playing field.

There's so many elements to writing a good piece. Well, first and foremost, I think it's important to know ones audience. That's tricky in the blog world, because finding a crowd or a niche could pigeon hole a person to be nothing more than a bullpen for like thinking individuals. Well, I can't do that because that's like having clowns on the left of me and jokers on the right. Then I am stuck in the middle with me, myself and I. Personally, I believe that's a terrible place to be. I like to mix it up.

More importantly, the cadence of writing is totally different than speaking. When I talk or give a speech, I can jump between thought, using voice inflection and various tones to transend between each separate idea and/or thought. Also, I can open a topic with something that has nothing to do with the central issue other than to set a tone or comfort the crowd with laughter. This writing thing is totally different. A quick 30 second sound bit could take 250 words if written on paper. Then I ve taken the risk of losing the reader. We live in a day of instant access and most readers (of blogs) want to get in and get out. Woe-is -me, what am I do to?

My discomfort continues when I try to decide if I am writing a post designed to seek comments or if I am simply telling a story. As I've said many times, if a person's main goal is to receive a gaggle of comments, there's certain ways to do that. Hell, there's advice columns/blogs that outlines that slippery task. Subject matter like celebrity gossip is a draw. Beating down men is always a hot topic. Nudity riding shotgun with the opening title is sure to get a few hits. I mean, I am frequently torn between moving a message or writing for some sense of relief or simple self expression. In the end, the only thing I really know is that some of my stuff... suck!

Have you ever deleted a post after publishing it? Or, have you put in hours writing a post, yet eventually scraping it? Take me out of my misery and tell me that you've done all of the above.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Put It On Paper: No contract, no contact!


Well cruel world, CareyCarey's palms are sweating and his knees are getting weak, the marriage is but a week away.

That's right, the fire is stoked and the pot is boiling, now it's time to put a top on it. Till death do us part

But wait, vanquish any thoughts from your mind that I'm getting married. Nope, been there, done that, and it was a great time and I am on the auction block, but today I am talking about a marriage of a different sort. Well, not really, but let me explain.

The state of Iowa is one of a few states that has legalized gay marriages. Now, since I live in Iowa, I have a vested interest in these ongoings. I could sit back and let the world turn, or get my feet wet. Well, before I could make my move to soon, or to late, the flood moved to my doorsteps. Don't get me wrong, I am not gay, and as I said, I am not getting married but my woman's daughter is gay and she is getting married... This Week!

I've talked about this in another post... 2 months ago:

A women that I see on a regular basis, has a daughter that's a lesbian. Upon first hearing about her daughter, she was hurt. She didn't know anything about lesbians. She only knew what others said about them. Of course, much of what she heard was rooted in ignorance. She thought she had done something wrong while raising her daughter. Through a little pain, knowledge and a lot of prayer, she's now very comfortable with her daughter's lifestyle. In fact, her daughter, that once was married to a man, is soon to be married to a woman. And check this, they got my dumb ass up in the wedding. Yep, not only am I in the wedding, I'm the MC at the reception. It's a family affair.



Well, here I am 2 months later, wondering what it's all about. I mean, how am I going to handle this, and what am I going to say? Look, we've all heard a white person say "some of my best friends are black". Okay, I don't have to break that down, but we know how that affects us. Yep, those things are easy to say when Big Willie and Leon do not live in your neighborhood. When the pigeons come home to roost, it's a whole new ballgame.

Make no mistake about it, I am cool with the whole gay thang. I have no problem with who tickles who's love bone. Nope, to each his own. But see, since I have a propensity to run my mouth and love telling jokes, I have a bit of a problem. In my role as MC, I am going to play it very loose. Hey, I gotta be me. But loose lips sinks ships. Listen, I like to think of myself as a speaker and a gum shoe wordsmith, but I don't know what's politically correct in the gay world. I don't know if I should use words like Dude-ettes or Bride-gal & Guy-gal, etc. Really, I'm in quite a quandary.

For instance, I am thinking about telling a joke that involves cookies and hot dogs. I am going to say...

There are a lot of beautiful women in here tonight and I am single. But I have to be careful, because when I reach for my cookie (girlfriend's name is Cookie) I don't don't want to pull out a long hot dog. Come on yawl, you know looks can be deceiving. I mean, I like hot dogs, but I like mine with mustard and ketchup and a little onion. Wait, I might be in the wrong place to be talking about the freaky deaky hotdog? I am simply saying I don't like surprises. When I reach for my Cookie, I don't want her to start growing in all the wrong places



That's one of my softer jokes. And, I don't know if you've been to a gay "bash" but the red carpet was made for them. Quit it, they dress to impress. But see, I don't have any shame in my game, but I am worried about getting shot. Are you kidding me, just because someone is gay does not mean they don't carry pistols. In fact, I know the bridegroom has a long 38. Really, just the other day, she shot a raccoon that's been jackin' with her trash. He will not raid anymore trash cans. This coon ain't trying to be the next victim.

So please, if you are gay or have gay family members or friends, holla at a brother. I need a little help. Tell me what to do. Come on now, I know everyone that's reading this post has a gay person in their family. Heck, I can count 3 or 4 in my family, and I ain't mad at them. Why should I be?

The day is coming and the microphone will soon be in my hand. Tell me, tell me, tell me true, what should this fool really do?

And, you might not like the whole gay marriage thing. You can tell me about that too.