Sunday, November 15, 2009

Black Bloggers Family Reunion, 2009. **chuckle**

************************ The annual Bloggers reunion ***************************

Hello ladies and gentlemen, I will be your MC for today. My name is Frankenstein, some call me Blogenstein. As you know we are gathered here today for our year end celebration of the blodsphere. I can not express how important it is for the side chatter to be kept to a minimum. We have a large crowd, including lurkers.

Wait a minute, what the heck is going on over there?

Anyway, for all that may be listening via radio or reading closed caption, the following words were actually voiced by the bloggers. Now of course, if you’ve been following the blogsphere, you know that words can sometimes get lost in translation but no words have been changed.

MC: Excuse me ... young man... you over there, we are about to get started, what is going on?

RiPPa: Black folks protesting, Obama is nothing but White power in Black face.

MC: Come on RiPPa, don’t start that sh*t up in here, but who are you talking about?

RiPPa: Black radicals.

MC: RiPPa, this is not your house, sit your ass down, this ain’t Memphis. Some negroes just don’t know how to act. A person says "who", and then Von and RiPPa says coons.

Maybe we should start by revisiting the reunion from last year. I hear there were a few love connections. Who would like to start? I see a hand raised.

A. Smith: Oh gosh. I remember when things went down the toilet. He asked me if I would remember anything good about our relationship and I told him no. I regret doing that everyday.

MC: I don’t mean to get personal but why did you tell him no?

A. Smith: I said "no" more because I felt like it was all his fault than anything else. Since that time I've become aware of how narrow-sighted and selfish that was. I was not perfect, I was horribly imperfect and I get that.

MC: *** whispering to a guy sitting next to him...*** " I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about but it sounds like ol’boy asked her for a little of that honey pot and she said no"

Thank you A. Smith. Is that man in here tonight? Oh, there he is. Would you like to tell your side of the story?

UglyBlackJohn: Okay, which one?- The one I sent to England for a semester at college so I could have more time to cheat on her only to have her meet the guy she would marry.- The one who was my dream girl, but I had to get that last piece (from a girl I'd wanted to hit for a month) before settling for "The One" only to get caught because I gave her (the dream girl) the
clap?- The one that was perfect in every way except she was only 5'6' (below my minimum 5'7" height minimum)?

MC: No No No, sit yo’ nasty ass down! No wonder your name is Ugly Black John, Cuz you, black jack, are a damn fool.

Could someone please share a story of the fun time they had last year? Yes... you over there.

Anonymous: Last reunion started off great as they always do, seeing everybody, laughing, dancing and lots of drinking and along with drinking came some beefing. Oh yeah, i cousin this and that arguing, autie so and so cyring at the bar, uncle bean-boys wife was showing her titties to everybody...before long.....

MC: Hold it right there, did you say your aunt showed her tittie?

Anonymous: Yeah, but long after some more drinks were consumed all hell broke was like a the biggest dayum full moon you have ever witnessed, it was the kind of full moon that teased evil to come out to play and evil did... in a really bad way. I'm driving home only to arrive to my bruh and his wife fighting in the front yard...yep knockdown drag out fighting...get a call from my sister that my two brothers got into a fight and one of them threw the other out the car...uncle bean-boy and his wife was breaking up and the kicker, my ex was saying "i told you so...told your family was crazy".

MC: I see why you post under anonymous. Your family is some crazy Mfers. If I can asked, did you get remarried?

Anonymous: Nope, but I do have a help wanted sign.

MC: Good luck!

Is there anyone that has a more pleasing story?

Anonymous II: I have a story.

MC: Wait, dude,what is it with you anonymous clowns?

Anonymous II: Don’t make me cut you. I remember a reunion many years ago. I was barely a teenager when this one went down but it was quite memorable. To start off the mess there was a dinner and and band/dance afterwards. It was similar to showin' up to you cousin's wedding on a few Saturday in July.... a full open bar for the whole evening. Let's just say everyone had a very good time. Even the band.

I was wondering why the older folks were acting a little bit stranger than the strange they usually were after one of this shindigs. People are basically falling over everywhere I looked. But the frosting on the cake was the sight as we were being pushed out the door as we were leaving. One look and it was obvious the band had taken advantage of the free drinks. Under one of the tables close to the dance floor there was the drummer. He was completely naked. I mean he didn't even have his socks on anymore. And he was passed out under one of the long tables lying on his back.

MC: DAYUM! Butt naked drummers and aunts showing titties, what the heck is going on? Is there anyone that had a good time last year?

*********** Jack & Jill Politics (blog)were heard whispering in the corner ***************

" I don’t know why I let you convince me to come to this event. These Ni**as have no class. I wish they would talk about all the important issues and not this buffoonery"

MC: Mr. Jack, do you or Ms. Jill have something you want to say?

Jack & Jill Politics: Yeah, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar discusses his leukemia with Keith Olbermann.

MC: *** leaning over to talk to his friend *** "See, every time you let one of those black bourgeoisies bring their black perspective to this kind of party, they always bring a white man"

Excuse me Jack, or was it Jill, you were doing alright until you mentioned Keith Olbermann. Sit down yo ass down.

Wait one damn minute..... sista girl, what are you doing?

Womanmusing: Often drive by trolls show up who have not had the decency to get their 101 on.

MC: *** Again, leaning over to his buddy*** ...."should I give her the mike?" Friend: NOPE!

MC: Thank you Ms. Musings, you can take your seat.

I think it’s time we move to the awards ceremonies. Any words?

PPR_Scribe: Please click for me.

RiPPa: Vote for me.

MacDaddy: This is a serious problem, click the link for me.

Robynmarie: Can I say something?

MC: Yes you may, but can I call you Brown Robin?

Robynmarie: Brown Robin? I like that!

******* The MC’s buddy leans his way....****** "I got a brown round robin for her. That woman is gorgeous, she gets my vote" MC: "Be quiet boy, you see those womanists over there"
MC: That reminds me, do we have any church folk in here?

The Black Church: Yes Frankenstein, Gospel rapper
Da’ T.R.U.T.H.
announced that:
"in light of a moral indiscretion in my personal life, I will be taking a sabbatical from music ministry and teaching upon fulfilling my current commitments to work closely with my pastor, church, and restoration team."

I respect Da Truth a lot more because he came out and said something... Right now, there’s talk going around about Tye Tribbett…Right now he’s not acknowledging or admitting to anything...But if it turn out that he did get someone pregnant who was not his wife and he has lied and denied his sin and wouldn't take responsibility for his actions, let’s just say I’m not gonna be a fan any more....That's how Jay Moss lost me as a fan of his music.

MC: Bless us lord, who said we needed TMZ or Wendy Williams.

Solomon: I say the final Jepordy answer is "Who is a playa, a pimp, or a thug!"
MC: Mr. Solomon, What! Have you have lost your damn mind, how in the hell did you come to that conclusion.? I mean, where did that come from? Who said anything about a pimp or a thug? Btw, aren’t you the guy that comments on a regular basis but doesn’t have a door to his blog???

***** Solomon is quiet ****

Tha L : Damn Blogenstein! Why you gotta treat my girl soul like that? I oughta smack the shit outta you. But I guess it's all in fairness, right?

MC: What do you mean your girl soul? I thought Solomon was a dude?

Soul: I am a womanist. Being a womanist is not 'deeper than feminism' it is simply addresses my needs and issues more

MC: Don’t get mad at me.... remember, I am Frankenstein. My heart belongs to Miz, my loud mouth belongs to The Loud Pen, I am a member of the black church, and my voice is that of RiPPa and FreeMan. So go tell it on the mountain.

Telisha: To be quite honest I am a bit confused as to what a feminist is exactly.From my observation they just appear to be very angry women who have not resolved and confronted their REAL issues and find it easier to pick apart and attack men or women who are open-minded?

MC: Now that’s what I’m talking about! That’s a smart woman right there.... And FIONE too.
**** Blogenstein sends his boy out to get those digits ****

BigMacInPittsburg: I come in peace ladies and will let RiPPa and CareyCarey take the heat. But my eyes were open this morning with all of the comments. I'll just keep listening and maybe I'll learn a thing or two.

MC: Now, if that ain’t a booty call, I’ll kiss your ass. I mean, WTF Big Mac? Oh, I get it, you are trying to be true to your name. Yep, BigMacInPittsburg is trying to lay some big pipe. If you don’t get yo’ simpin’ ass outta here.

BigMacInPittsburg: Truth be told I don't have many reunions to speak of that I can share ,my lifestyle 20-40ish was party city 24-7. I never attended simply because I was to stupid to understand its importance. Today I try to support our reunions and try hard to preserve our rich family history.

MC: Oh hell nawl. You can’t get your Internet pimp on up in here playa. I’ll tell you what, go find Ms. A. Smith, she’s ready to say yes.

Big Mac: But!?

MC: But my ass negro.... SCOOT!

The MC Blogenstein leans over to his buddy one mo gin: "Hey man, go fire up the ride, we’re outta here"

*** Blogenstein and CareyCarey were seen exiting a rear door, A voice came across the PA system*****

"Well, it looks like it’s been one. Thanks for attending the black blog reunion 2009. You don’t have to go home but you have to get your black ass outta here. Drive safe and tell a friend where you got it. Holla!"


Family reunions, you gotta love 'em.


Solomon said...

Good one Carey! I really like the cactus family up top. "We need to 'stick' together"

Good one bro!

RiPPa said...

This was some slick shit Carey. Love the way you slid in those jabs too. LMAO

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

You're funny.

Mizrepresent said...

lmao@help wanted sign...too funny

LoudPen said...

Carey, you are hilarious. This is definitely the black blogger reunion in full effect.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

You are tooooooooo funny and way talented! I'd love to see the "Play" I love your new photo. At least it's new to me. Leave it up for a while, so I can come back and window shop (smile)
Love ya!

uglyblackjohn said...

the most clever post I've read on the Internet this year.
That's some funny ish.

jjbrock said...

Thanks Carey I am proud to be part of the family...Great post!

CareyCarey said...

@ Solomon, you know I had to "stick" you in there. I couldn't find a place for you ganster cousin but you fit.

@ RiPPa, what jabs *lol*

@ Kit(Keep It Trill), I sorta, I kinda, stole that post from you. Well, Although I've written a post like this before (@ another site with 30! voices) your post about your son's BB gun inspired this one. I do not know how to write "conversation" as well as you, it's hard to do it right, so I use this tecnic. These types of posts are a chore - a real JOB!

@ Miz, so you caught that *lol*

@ LoudPen, Yep, family reunions can be a mess. I was going to go another way with this but as I told Kit, I don't possess the skill to write conversations. Plus, since you are the voice of Frankenstein, I didn't have enough space to write so looooooog, Pen.

@ Miss Butterfly, stop it, my head is big enough. Some people need a spark of inspiration. I need a spark of humbleness. But in reference to that suit(changed picture), I don't know. I wasn't shaven and I was just hanging out with Micheal Jackson. I usually don't let people see me with my mustache looking all funky. I think I am going to put my suit back on.

@ Uncle Black, man, when I read that part about you, I still crack up! I look forward to doing another one like this in the future. You keep talking and I'll keep writing *lol*

But man, as I told Kit, this type of post is work. It took me about 10 hours to put this together. I am glad everyone took it in the spirit it was meant to be. Well, I am sure someone didn't like it but hey, they didn't say it so I don't know it.

Ms. Brock, you know we can't go nowhere without God taking care of us. So, if you're around, I know I am in the right place.

Moanerplicity said...

Bruh Carey,

As you can see, I arrived mad tardy for duh party, but then your invite was mad late! Thanks for the entertainment, tho. Your motley gathering of characters was OFF THE CHAIN! LOL. And you's a wile MC! All kinds, types and varieties of madness and truth, truth and madness was breaking out in all up and thru that camp!

But on the real: this piece was so VIVID that it felt like a scene from one of dem chitlin circuit plays, yo!

You might have a career in that area, iff'n you really wants one. *ponder*

Fun read, man! Damn witty, too! *smiles*

Thanks for sharing.


CareyCarey said...

Thanks Moan,

You know what's funny? I don't know if you caught it, but all the "quotes" were actually the words of who they were assigned to. Of course I plucked them from different conversations (to make them fit the "MC's" romp) but I didn't change any of their words.

So, having that, and my remark @ your spot, when you least expect it, you're elected, so SMILE, you're gonna be on candid camera.

But hopefully, it will be all good.

I got another one (like this) on the stove. I just have to let it cook a wee bit longer.