Thursday, December 17, 2009

THE COLOR PURPLE, TIGER WOODS and Magic JOHNSON: The black woman still can't get paid!

"Until you do right by me, everything you even think about gonna fail!

"I’m poor, black, I might even be ugly, but dear god, I’m here. I’m here

"You a low down dirty dog, that’s what’s wrong. Time for me to get away from you, and enter into creation - Celie, FROM THE COLOR PURPLE

Okay my fine fellow blogites there’s a fork in the road, which way should I go? Well,
throughout this whole debacle concerning Tiger Woods, the black women still can’t get paid.

**The curtain rises on The Color Purple**
Ladies and gentle, I present The Color Purple, starring Magic Johnson and Tiger Woods.

Old Mr: (referring to Shug) She black as tar, nappy-headed, got legs like baseball bats, and I hear she got that nasty women’s disease.

Magic Johnson says: "I’ll take some of that"

Magic Johnson, with his freaky ass, was on The Jimmy Kimmel Show. Jimmy had the nerve to ask the negro pimping’, easy credit ripoff bastard, what he thought about the Tiger Woods incident. Magic's inconsiderate ass, had the nerve to throw a black woman on the floor. He had the nerve to put his wife, Cookie, back in the fire.

Hadn’t she faced enough humiliation and scrutiny? Wasn’t it her baby that had to be tested for Aids? Why on earth would Magic say "what Cookie would have done." Isn’t Magic still breathing and selling dreams? Did she bust HIS goddamn head, or poke him in his ass like the slimy pig that he is? The gull of this man to have any comment on this subject by throwing his wife in the fray. Cookie should have cut off his wiener.

I’ve grown tired of the opinion that a black women would have done something different upon finding out their husband had taken refuge in another valley of love? I mean, when their husbands were screwing at the slip & easy, every black woman is not going to act like ape lady?
But why the insistence on painting the black women as savage beasts that lets their emotions consume them? Granted, it’s true that some black women would have cut Tiger deep down to the white meat. But that’s not true of all black women.

Do you remember Celie? I think some black women would take the graceful road. You know, just turn around and leave them in their mess.
Do you remember when Celie said "The jail you planned for me is the one you’re gonna rot in. You a low down dirty dog that’s what’s wrong"... "Time for me to get away from you, and enter into Creation
Well, I was talking to my cousin yesterday. She reminded me that our grandmother was color struck. Our grandmother, who is black, saw no problem with black man desiring a white woman. Okay, there's nothing wrong with her voicing her opinion. But, she said white women will do more for you than a colored woman. My cousin, who was very young at the time, was impressionable and never disrespected our grandmother. She didn’t voice a dissenting view because she really didn’t have one. She remembered that day because my brother, who was older than she, dropped by and heard our grandmother's comment. He too was respectful to our grandmother, however my cousin said his eyes spoke volumes. In an even and serious voice, he told my grandmother that she shouldn’t say things like that, because it was wrong. My cousin Shellie, said my brother was her guy from that day on. He voiced an opposing to our grandmother, and he stood up for black women. More so, not that it was our grandmother - she saw a way to disagree and yet stay respectful.

While my cousin and I were talking, we wondered what messages Tiger and men like him, are sending to their children. If they only date white women or championed white women, what would they possibly be telling their mixed children? What...they are not good enough, or they are inferior to white woman? The children might even project their father’s disdain of black women upon themselves, and surmise that he doesn’t really love them. They are black.

Evil lurks in the hearts of man.

Sofia, talking to Celie: "I sat in that jail til I near about done rot to death. I know what it like to wanna go crazy. And when I seed you - I know’d there is a God. I know’d there is a God"

Celie: "I’m poor, black, I might even be ugly, dear God. I’m here. I’m here".

All black women are not animals that are fueled by lust, violent activity and ignorance. If you think so, you're a fool or a women hater. You might as well bark at the moon. Black women may get mad, and they may hold resentments, and thus, emote, however, many will not use the edge of a sword to voice their disdain. Some have a belief that it’s gonna be all right in the morning... no matter how long the night.

The struggles of being a black woman can only be expressed by a black woman. Yet I am left to believe that black woman still can’t get paid. In the circle of respect, I’ve noticed their respect frequently comes as an after thought.

So if Tiger had been married to a black woman and flicked thang at a bunch of scanks, things would have been different? How so, lets count the ways? But first, it’s obvious to me that continuing the stereotypical myth that white women are more passive and understanding than black women, only serves to stratify them above woman of color. Imo, that myth is disrespectful to black women and is frequently used as an excuse by black men to continue their misguided ways of exclusively dating white women.

I am going to flip the script. Personally, if I found out my lady was running off to the hideaway hotel with several different men, I wouldn’t whoop that ass, I’d leave that ass. I wouldn’t play myself by busting out windows or busting her head. I would not be food for fodder.

Take a bow Magic Johnson. Give up that money Tiger Woods. You've played yourself.

.**************The curtain closes******************.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

No More More Tears In These Clouds

MISUNDERSTOOD: I said I cried last night, didn’t say I died last night.

Came through the storm, was all right last night.

I cried tears of joy.

I wanted to be with them, not in them.

A longing for their presence

Had a hole, a role

Could have filled it with another star

But the part was made for them.

Others could have pulled it off

Everybody would have been paid

But that part was made for them.

Who said it?

I didn't.I said they left, too many nights filled with images of them.

Too many vows broken, the pain--had nothing left in my heart

Nothing but disdain for them.

What did you read?

The paper said divorced, not used,not someone’s unwanted item to be taken for granted and taken to the resale shop

It said divorced, not nearly new... should say new.

Does it say I am not whole?

Is there an asterisk saying I am missing parts?

Where did it say I was void of love, compassion, hope ...dreams?

Does divorce strip a man of his manhood?

Does divorce imply that a women is love-less?

Where does it say nuclear waste!?

I fell down, rolled around, I got up.

That road is behind me.

My road is in front of me.

Read it again, did it say I was a toy to be played with?

Did it say spin this, use this, anyone can do THIS? it one more time.

I doubt it...

I doubt it said without principles, absent of love.
Is softness and strong bold convictions the sole possessions of newlyweds.

If you think so, you got me twisted, convuluted

You have me confused...MISUNDERSTOOD!

This post was inspired by two women. The first woman, Mizrepresent encouraged me to blog and it's been a wonderful journey. Also, the above piece was brought to life a couple of years ago, by our earlier conversations. I can't tell you where we met or where we've been, because if I did, I'd have to kill you.

The second woman, Cookie, is the author of yesterdays poem. She's going to read "Misunderstood" at a New Years Eve celebration.

The end of the year is near. I started blogging this year. Wonderful people have stopped by to share a laugh and to share bits of wisdom. Some have dropped by to put me in check, and lord knows, I surely need that.

If you have time, take a walk back through my blog year. I am sure you'll find yourself in that mess... somewhere. You might even laugh again or cry again.

Thanks for helping me along on my maiden year of blogging!

Blog Archive
2009 (115)
December (5)
I Do Not Remember Days, I Remember Moments.
Albino "Tiger": Without his woody.
Don't Touch My PC! Take my money but don't touch ...
Yeah You! You're Acting like A Pawn! You're A Ro...
November (17)
Mary "Mo`nique" Jones vs Ray "Jamie Fox" Charles...
Don't Look Now, Ol'Skool Gotta Brand New Bag!
Excuse Me While I flip My Thang.
Harriet Tubman vs Oprah Winfrey. N**ga Please, don...
Pacquiao vs Mayweather vs My Son: I need space
The Bible: Can We Talk?
No Rant, Just me.
Black Bloggers Family Reunion, 2009. **chuckle**
8:30PM - 11:30PM Friday 13th November 2009.... A P...
Family Reunion: The blogsphere is a smogasbord!
If You Were My Girlfriend.... Again?
MY GOD!!! 100 Postals! Blog-gers - 75 strong!
PAY ATTENTION!.... Attention Wh*res.
Look, up in the sky, it's a blogger, it's a writer...
Why DID I Think Of That?
Fools Welcome: Only if you raise your hand.
October (12)
CAREER OPENINGS! Degree helpful but not required.
Holy Mackerel: They were much more than coons.
Look....Up In The Sky.
What You Are Speaks So Loudly, I can't hear what y...
Twitter Is a Drive-Bye. Get Ready-Get Set-Go-Away....
Is It Love Or Just My Imagination?
A True Love Story: The good, The bad, and The Hor...
You Say I am A Mot**er F**ker. Like that's a bad ...
Pimpin' Ain't Easy - Neither Is Lying.
I Need A Priest. Who's Really Listening?
Who Gives A Fat F**k!!!
It's Like A Poison Soaked Into The Ground!
September (6)
You Can't Turn A Ho Into A Housewife - that's what...
It's A Rap, I am Done. Explanation.
It's A Rap.
BLOG FIGHT!!! Big RiPPa vs The Freeman.
The Gong Show ...Blog Style. Some debaters deserv...
Peek-A-Boo, I See You! ....Behind Every Great Man ...
August (10)
COMFORT!!! My Quicksand -- My Lover-- My Drudger -...
There's Nothing Wrong With A Little "Bump"-n-Wine....
God Must Have A Layaway Plan ....Or Maybe I Need ...
Sometimes I Need Love! Sometimes My Words Take Me ...
A Toast To Troy Davis! A NEW TRIAL! Re-Posts
Shut The F*ck Up, So I Used A Cuss Word - Alright ...
How Low Can You Blow -- Your Trumpet ....Lisa Vazu...
Sunday I Pray -- Well -- And Other Things!
Black Jeopardy -- The Blogsphere
The Rev. Ike -- Ike Turner -- Iceberg Slim. Too Lo...
July (13)
June (13)
May (5)
April (21)
March (13)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Albino "Tiger": Without his woody.

Can we take a deep breath on Tiger Woods. Let those that have black skin cast the first stone. I mean, do you care to test you blackness? Beware, take this test at your own risk. You might have to hand over your blackness card.

You're blacker than me if you get all these right. I fluked. I'm a white guy.

Black Intelligence Test of Cultural Homogeneity

1. A “handkerchief head” is: a. a cool cat b. a porter c. an Uncle Tom d. a hoddi e. a preacher

2. Which word is most out of place here? a. splib b. blood c. gray d. spook e. black

3. A “gas head” is a person who has a: a. fast-moving car b. stable of “lace” c. ”process” d. habit of stealing cars e. long jail record for arson

4. ”Bo Diddley” is a: a. game for children b. down-home cheap wine c. down-home singer d. new dance e. Moejoe call

5. ”Hully Gully” came from: a. East Oakland b. Fillmore c. Watts d. Harlem e. Motor City

6. Cheap chitlings (not the kind you purchase at a frozen food counter) will taste rubbery unless they are cooked long enough. How soon can you quit cooking them to eat and enjoy them? a. 45 minutes b. 2 hours c. 24 hours d. 1 week (on a low flame) e. 1 hour

7. What are the “Dixie Hummingbirds?” a. part of the KKK b. a swamp disease c. a modern gospel group d. a Mississippi Negro paramilitary group e. Deacons

8. If you throw the dice and 7 is showing on the top, what is facing down? a. 7 b. snake eyes c. boxcars d. little Joes e. 11

9. ”Jet” is: a. an East Oakland motorcycle club b. one of the gangs in “West Side Story” c. a news and gossip magazine d. a way of life for the very rich

10. T-Bone Walker got famous for playing what? a. trombone b. piano c. ”T-Flute” d. guitar e. hambone

11. ”Bird” or “Yardbird” was the “jacket” that jazz lovers from coast to coast hung on: a. Lester Young b. Peggy Lee c. Benny Goodman d. Charlie Parker e. ”Birdman of Alcatraz”

12. Hattie Mae Johnson is on the Country. She has four children and her husband is now in jail for non-support, as he was unemployed and was not able to give her any money. Her welfare check is now $286 per month. Last night she went out with the highest player in town. If she got pregnant, then nine months from now how much more will her welfare check be? a. $80 b. $2 c. $35 d. $150 e. $100

13. ”Money don’t get everything it’s true.” a. but I don’t have none and I’m so blue b. but what it don’t get I can’t use c. so make do with what you’ve got d. but I don’t know that and neither do you

14. How much does a short dog cost? a. $0.15 b. $2.00 c. $0.35 d. $0.05 e. $0.86 plus tax

15. Many people say that “Juneteenth” (June 19) should be made a legal holiday because this was the day when: a. the slaves were freed in the USA b. the slaves were freed in Texas c. the slaves were freed in Jamaica d. the slaves were freed in California e. Martin Luther King was born f. Booker T. Washington died


Btw, this test was courtesy of PPR_Scribe. She says she hates this kind of sh*t. I think Harvard was recruiting blacks and she failed the test :-).

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Don't Touch My PC! Take my money but don't touch my lover.

BUZZ KILL -- Don't Blow My High!

The Loud Pen said she was tired of ranting and complaining about her station in life. That's a good thang. She said her dreams and wishes of a life like Beyonce' has to be put on hold. I like that. Her obsession with fame and fortune was causing her to lose sleep and made her constipated. That's not good, that's ugly.

But see, I'm not trying to be her Metamucil. I'm just sitting in for her. She needs a slight break. I am her guest blogger. My name is CareyCarey.
I used to smoke marijuana and drink plenty of yak. Oh yeah, I'd put on Miles Davis and kiss the world goodbye... "Kiss my ass you cold world, I don't need you"... I didn't need a lot of people back then. No sir buddy, they might have ask for some of my smoke and jacked with my high.

It's much like my love for my PC. You've heard it before, Aretha said it: "Company is alright with me, every once in a while. But when me and my baby start makin' love"... get the hell away from me - okay!

See, I don't complain about many things in life, I really don't. I've been somewhere that I am not trying to go back to, so I've learned how to just cool out. But there are some things that really get on my last nerve. Really - don't mess with my high - don't kill my buzz. In other words - don't jack with my goddamn computer.
Really, I'd rather be locked in a room for 4 days with The Long Pen, Paris Hilton, one of those Scanks In The City and any one of those Housewives from Atlanta, than to have someone jack with my PC. And I can't stand any one of those TV tramps. Well, The Long Pen is my girl and I haven't seen her on TV... yet.

I kid you not, I draw the line on that sh*t. Yes, my nose is open. Yes, I've been sprung. Yes-Yes-Yes, I have a Jones for my new lover -- my PC.
No-No-No, a thousand times NO! I'd rather die than to let someone surf my web.

I didn't come by this decision without a little drama. Well, one time my computer crashed, so I had to take it to the shop. When I went to recover it, the technician gave me the funky side-eye. I wanted to ask him WTH was he looking at. But instead I politely asked him what was on his mind. He told me he was required by law to report any unusual "activity" on any hard drives that he repairs. Okay, I wondered what this had to do with me. Before I had time to ask him any more questions, he pulled out a picture of somebodies naked ass. Yeah, and in another picture somebody was groping a pair of naked balls. Now, mind you, this was my computer but I didn't buy it new. Plus, I have been known to leave my computer unattended while a few of my friends were around. Since perverts and nasty Mfers come in all shapes and sizes, it's possible one of them pricks could have satisfied their voyeurism on my PC.

Look, I couldn't ask all my friends which one of them could have possibly made a mistake and ventured off the beaten path. How do you do some sh*t like that? Anyway, I decided to set a trap. Oh yeah, I knew a snake would remain a snake. But, back in my mind, I had a few reservations about this trap thang. What if it was my lady? Damn, that's messed up *lol*. But, what if it was my mother? Damn, that's really messed up. What if it was the woman I've been creeping with? Come on now, that's a joke. I was just checking to see if you were still with me.

Okay, here was the plan. There's this invisible ink, that police departments use to catch a thief. It's on the line of that die they put in bank robbery money bags. Once that mess gets on your hands, it's damn near impossible to get off. It's activated by moisture. Well, I couldn't decide if I should put it on a certain number of keys or just on the mouse. My lady and I have a deal. I don't mess with "her" stuff and she doesn't mess with mine. She will even bring me my pants if I ask her to get something out of my billfold. Isn't that what all women do? I mean, don't all women know not to go in a man's wallet?

Anyway, she does clean around my PC, so I didn't want a false positive, therefore I abandoned the mouse idea. I started to go back and ask the side-eye "Dick Tracy" technician if there was an address to the "suspicious" sites. You know, so I could concentrate on a few key letters. But I thought better of that. I didn't want to end up on the 10 o'clock news.

Finally I had set my trap. I was like a child on Christmas Eve. I was giddy with excitement. Anticipating the look on the culprits face, I almost pissed on myself. I was crackin' up. But see, sometimes the best laid plans have a few problems.

I stopped by my corner grocery store to buy me a pack of gum. Oh yeah, gotta keep that breath fresh. While I was paying for my purchase, the clerk asked me if I was getting ready for a football game. I was surprised at the question so I asked him "why". Come to find out, I had markings under my eyes that football players use to block the glare of the sun. Damn it, I had stepped in my own doo-doo. I had forgot I had set my trap and got captured by my own game. Damn, what a clown?!

Nevertheless, I love my PC and I love to blog. So may position remains the same. Don't fondle my love. Don't kill my buzz - don't kill my high. Don't mess with my computer! I've found love on a one way street. You can't touch this :-)