Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Loaded Question. Do You Find Me Attractive?

I hate it when someone asks a question but they really are not looking for an answer to that question. Some call it a loaded question, or a lead in question.

I was with a woman the other day and she hit me with a question. She asked me if I ever thought of her in a sexual way?

Now, I've asked others what they thought of the question and their answers were pretty much the same. I wonder what readers of this blog are thinking. See, we were friends because of mutual interests and we are both single. I'd never hit on her and she had never given me any indication that she wanted to move to a higher playing field. So I thought nothing of the question. I thought see was trying to find out if I was in her company only to get in her pants. I told her she was a very atractive woman and didn't ask her why she asked.

Boy oh boy, most men looked at the question as a call home. They said I was stupid and blinded, if I didn't hear the words in that question. They said it was obvious what she really was saying/asking. Was it a loaded question? Did I not hear the door open or was I not listening for the door to open? You make the call. Do we only hear what we want to hear or do we sometimes miss what we should hear. Now, all money is not good money and everything good to you ain't good for you. How do you handle loaded questions, if you perceive then to be one? I like some games and I used to drink (don't drink anymore). I drank my cognac straight up.

I mean, why don't people say what's on there minds?

*published March 2009


SLC said...

I think some questions have statements hidden in them.

What she really said was,

"Have you ever thought of me in a sexual way (cause I think of you like that all the time, but didn't think you were interested, but now I've decided to take my chances and see what pops up)?

Depending on whose doing the asking and the history of the relationship to that point, I could see me or any man missing the unsaid stuff.

It's too easy for a man to tell another man they missed it when they're on the outside of the friendship playing like Oprah and Dr. Phil.

CareyCarey said...

SLC, you are a very wise man. Your comment is true and does not leave room for debate.

48 said...

"I drank my cognac straight up"

Love the metaphor.

On the other hand, I think it's true that we hear what we wanna hear. You chose not to hear the unsaid part of the question because you didn't want to hv to deal with the aftermath. Also I doubt that you find her attractive cos if that were the case, your answer would hv been quite different and you'd definitely hv followed up. But then again, what do I know? For all their 'simplicity' men are quite complex:)

CareyCarey said...

Hello 48,

How did you find my humble abode?

No, she's very attractive, and I see her as such, but as SLC mentioned, I wasn't looking for the "followup". I mean, for some, sex is the followup, but she already was my friend, and I wasn't in need of a secret love affair.So I heard what pretained to me. If I was looking for a ride in the satin sheets, I might have heard something different.

But I do have another question for you. What's behind the name "48"?