Sunday, September 18, 2011


I was walking with the devil. He loved me and I loved him back. Crazy I know, but it's true. All that I am about to tell you is true.

If I could get high right now, I would. Are you kidding me, there is no greater feeling. That's real and very dangerous. If you didn't know, you don't want to know, because the sensations of some chemicals are better than the best orgasms. That's real and very dangerous.

If you didn't know, you don't want to know, because some drugs will actually bring on an orgasm. Yes, that's the truth and very dangerous. Who doesn't like orgasms?

You will not hear this from your local treatment center of your 10 o'clock news AND you might not want to, because some drugs hold back ejaculation which make some men feel like Tarzan. And, women love their Tarzans. That's the honest to God truth and that's real and very dangerous. Who doesn't want to boogie woogie all night long?

If I could get high right now, I would. Who wouldn't want to hold back the aging process? Some drugs do that, but you didn't hear that from me (and you will not hear that from anyone else), AND, you don't want to hear that. Some of the best athletes have the lowest heart rates, around 30-40 beats per second. An elevated heart rate means the heart is working harder. Stress, worry and pain are contributing factors to an increased heart rate. Some drugs will take away that worry and stress and leave you with a sense of ease and comfort. You don't want to hear that because it's an euphoria like no other. Some drugs produce a sleep with dreams that are colorful, peaceful and long lasting. Nothing in the world can touch it, and that's real and very dangerous.

All the above situations, sexual prowess, instant orgasms, long orgasms, multiple orgasms, sweet dreams, and a worry free mind are very dangerous. Not because of the championed adverse affects, it's because you're going to love it. Then, after a short period, the mind remembers all those sensations, BUT... and HOWEVER, unfortunately those same sensations will never be reached again without that same drug. No never, not ever, NEVER. But the mind sits and waits for it's lover to come back home. There will never be another lover like that lover. But the mind sits, and cries and yearns and waits.

This post was inspired by my closest friend that heard that cry. He was in the ministry, sitting right up in the pulpit, but unfortunately his demons called him back. He just called me today (July 19, 2010) and others had been whispering. We had been walking this path together. For years we have been each others greatest support. Now I am left to wonder, what went wrong?

If I could get high right now, today, I would, but I can't. I asked my friend if the drug still felt as good as in the old days. He said it felt even better. But let me go back a couple of days.

The other day I received an e-mail from another blogger. One part of the e-mail said, "Im gonna start getting more confrontational, but in a good way. I may be wrong from time to time, but Im sure people will put me in my place. I want to build a more dynamic blog, like yours, boo!"

Well, I've often questioned why I and other people blog? Although we seldom talk about it, I doubt there's not one of us who doesn't want to be sought out, liked, and admired. In no small way, our perceived popularity makes us or breaks us. It's like the wind beneath our wings.

However, I say to my friend and others, be careful what you ask for. I may be confrontational and I may be loud, that's because I have to be or I might get high. My brain will ply me with sweet memories of days long gone. It will try to render me helpless against that first wayward walk on the wild side. So I have to say it loud and confront anything they may persuade me to forget the insanity driven consequences of taking that same path as my friend.

I don't know what evil lurked in the heart of my best friend, but I know the devil had me in his mouth, but I slipped away with a little help.

Being loud, confrontational or what some would consider dynamic, will not get one a bunch of comments or hits, but it's helping me to never forget the horrors of my past. I have to keep the problem close to me so that I am always working on solutions. Because I remember it, and I know I will hear it's cry, but I can't love it anymore.


A.Smith said...

Hm. Lots to think about and definitely cause to re-evaluate my thoughts on why some bloggers blog.

Meanwhile, it's always worth noting that you never know what's going on behind someone's eyes and unless you do, your judgement should only go so far.

Another good post, Carey.

2cute4u said...

Different choices,good at firs but not wonderful in the end..
I really do wonder what your friend's going through, how he must feel right now..
Life's just unpredictable more often than not.

CareyCarey said...

Good question 2cute4u! We talked on the phone for hours. There's a term we use called "clicked in". In spite of all the dreadful consequences of welcoming our lover back into our lives, once the brain is convinced that it needs that drug (clicked in), the consequences has no power to stop that first kiss.

However, he told me that after the thrill was gone, he was left in a depressive state that he had never experienced. His shame, guilt and depressed mood took him so far down that he wanted to die. He said he couldn't find a place to hide. But the biggest problem that the average person does not hear nor understand is the old condition of the mind reverts right back to it's damaged state. No matter how long it's been in the healing process, that's just a distant memory. Meaning, it's open for suggestions of negative activity, negative people and places. It's confused and takes months and sometimes years to repair.

@ A. Smith, how you doing Ashley. Yes, you never know! I call this a personal blog because I have to talk about my inner most character flaws. It keeps me rooted in all my problems. I don't ever want to forget the dreadful consequences of my wayward activities, and a mindset that tells me I have arrived, so lets do it one more time. It (my mind) will tell me that things will be different (this time), but that's a lie. It will be much more debilitating. That's a fact AND very dangerous.

Btw, did you read the post "love TKO"? You're in it.

CareyCarey said...

2cute 4u, let me clean up a little something. You said "not wonerful in the end". Well, that depends on what you're talking about. The catch is, the consequences are not great, yes, but the drug will do what it's suppose to do. And that's what the mind remembers! Make no mistake about it, the drug is going to do it's job. But again, to reach your goal, you have to keep doing it and that's where the danger comes in.

A.Smith said...

Carey, I did read TKO -- I remember when you posted it. Had me thinking then too.

I'm good... just a WEE bit stressed because of a major move, but that'll be over soon, I hope.