Monday, July 19, 2010

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM NOT BLACK: What's wrong with wearing a kilt?

Can a black man say he's a choir director without getting a strange look? Come on now, yawl saw Kat Williams in First Sunday. Can a black man say OH MY GOD, without receiving that same piercing glare? Isn't that a term reserved for chicks or white guys? And, instead of saying OMG, black men say, ain't that a bitch, don't they?

Real black men wear a mustache don't they? I know there are those that like going O.J. all the way, but I would rather wear tighty whiteys than cut the hair off my lip.

Can a black man say he doesn't watch any sports? That's blasphemy, isn't it? I don't know but it's tough being a black man.

See, I can't dunk a basketball and I've never been able to do the latest dance until after it's long gone. I am still working on the twist and the bankhead bounce.

It's tough being a black man, but I love being at a place in my life in which I don't have to wear someones name on my clothes. Is that a black thang, you know, wearing someones name? Tis is, or tis ain't, now I just pick out something that fits. If it fits, I don't care if it costs one dollar, it's mine. I never felt comfortable having a dudes name scrolling across my ass.

Maybe it's just me, but can a real black man say he doesn't eat chicken wings? Many black men have given up eating the pig, but they will eat the chicken's neck, and the chicken eats his friends poop.

I guess a man can wear what he wants, but a black barber shop is a place where a brotha better have his game tight. I've noticed some brothas stop their car a block from the barber shop if they're not playing the right music. Ooooh yeah, they wouldn't be caught dead listening to Bailey Rae or Ameh Larnieux. Silly isn't it, but it happens. Yes sir, out goes Brian Mc knight, in goes Tupac, Biggie or Jay-Z. Don't even mention driving up listening to Floetry... I love Floetry. I once was joked in the barber shop because I had on hush puppies. But sitting next to me was a guy wearing Scarface sneakers. Scarface tennis shoes, are you kidding me! The boy had Al Pacino's face all over his shoes. Scary ain't it? It must be a black thang.

It's ruff being a black man, but some roles are changing. I was with a women that ask me if I would still be with her if she couldn't cook? I said, "come on baby, you know I feel for you, but a black women that doesn't cook is like a new car without tires". I love to cook, but I think that's always been okay for a black man.

Just the other day I asked how to cook chicken wings. This one brotha broke out talking like Forrest Gump's friend. He said, I's the chicken wing king, I stews'em, I stuff'em, I's frys'em, I bar-bee-cue dem and I eat them by the boat load. But I'm hesitant to say what I like to cook (it's not chickens wings)because I don't want someone knocking on my door and asking me for my soul brother card.

I think I'll play it safe today. I have to get a hair cut and I am going to pull out my Jordan's' and a pair of jeans with someones name on the back pockets. I wouldn't be catch dead in a pair of Wranglers, well, unless I was cutting the grass. Nope, I'm not going to wear my Levi 501's in that shop. I love the fit of 501's but it's tough being a black man.

Pimpin' ain't easy, and being a black man is no walk in the park, but I wonder if women put men on the usual suspect list by what they wear? I do know men could care less about the design of a woman's nails, or if her purse was made by Coco Channel. But in your opinion, what disqualifies a man or a woman from the dating game? I know it's not as difficult being a black woman as it is being a black man. Nevertheless....

Would you wear this?

Or this?

I know.... it's tuff being a black person.

1 comment:

A.Smith said...

"I am still working on the twist and the bankhead bounce."

CRACKED me up, man. I'm still chuckling!

It's always hard living up to stereotypes -- especially the ones others in the group enforce.