Monday, July 26, 2010


It is an easy thing for one whose foot in on the outside of calamity to give advice and to rebuke the sufferer -- Aeschylus

"Girl, I'd never put up with that" is what we say to our friends.

"I ain't trying to get in your business, but you should leave his ass"

Now, don’t take this ass whoopin’ personally. However, this post is going to piss-off a few folks. Well, particularly those individuals that are quick to give advice on topics in which their reference or source of knowledge is woefully flawed.

In reference to maintaining a lasting relationship, what kind of a special kind of fool would I be if listened to someone that has never had a lasting relationship, and/or is not presently in a "good" relationship?

This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you, but listen. Although it’s been said – many times and many ways – some folks can’t stand the truth. But if you don’t trust me, or have more faith in the female race, lets put on our rabbit ears and listen to a few honest women.

Now, before we begin, check this, these women have no reason to lie. Granted, there are those that are constitutionally incapable of telling the truth, but today, these women don’t even know we’re listening.

Miss Tigrrrr: “Too be honest, I think many of the women who are married are women who knew from the get-go that marriage was one of the things they wanted most in life. And somebody (probably momma) gave them some good pointers on how to get and keep a man's attention”

See, Miss Tigrrr is talking a whole lot of facts! But let’s not stop there. She also said, “In my 20's I expected to be pursued and somehow the whole thing would magically happen. In my 30's I had fun being single. In my 40's, marriage was starting to look like a bad deal - all work, no play. Now in my 50's, I can only afford to marry somebody who is gonna make the rest of this journey easier (financially, emotionally, spiritually.)”

Now, I don’t think I have to explain her words, but I’ll get back to them. Let’s sneak up on another honest woman. There’s Cookie, let’s we see what she has to say. Cookie: “ I was in a very abusive marriage. I stayed with my husband far too long because I thought all men were like him. Until I met my new guy, I realized I’d never been around good men. My father was not in my life and my mother has been married 5 times. My sister’s husband has been in and out of jail, and all my uncles are dogs”

Boy oh boy, Cookie’s words spoke volumes. But listen, the next woman sends a message that most women would love to champion. But see, even though several women raised their pom poms, I think most men will hear a different tune.

Blu Jewel’s open letter It starts off like this: “First let me preface this by saying that I am in no way bitter, angry, or any negative emotion one can think of. In fact, I’m completely lucid, emotionally liberated, and happy; very happy. Furthermore, none of this is said to hurt, insult or offend, but merely to express some things that were not previously said.

My moment of sublime emotional clarity came when I realized that while I’m the gold at the end of the rainbow, you are simply not ready for receiving what 1) has always been yours and 2) that you’re afraid to be rich with all the emotional rewards that come with being with a woman like me”

Oh yeah! That was good, but I’ll bet a dollar to a dime, that after reading the whole letter, a man’s view will be completely different. Yes sir, a few good women stood up and cheered, but I am left to wonder if they knew exactly what they were cheering about? Hey, don’t ask yourself, ask a man. I mean, a woman may hear bells of freedom, but... for whom does the bell really toll?

What’s your point, Carey?

I am glad you asked, and I’m gonna give it my best shot! Tigress said, momma said. Cookie said, she didn’t know. Blu Jewel gave her point of view about "herself"! It was not the man's point of view.

If everyone agrees to handle the truth, I’ll move forward. Well, like it or not, I’m going there. I am of the opinion that if a person shows me who they are, I should believe them. Meaning, I am looking to see if they are walking the talk or just giving their opinion.

Within the previous heartfelt letters and testimonies, I heard something loud and clear. I heard... “Don’t follow the yellow brick road”... aka, the wrong ass.

Statistics say the abused will frequently become the abuser. I believe those words to be true. In fact, I know they are. Of all the women that are presently without a good man, I wonder how many of them came from a broken home? If I was a gambling man, I’d bet those numbers are huge. I also wonder how many women learned their womanly skills from their mother, who may not have been a good role model? Don’t get me wrong nor miss the point. Feeding and clothing a child is one thing, but showing them the proper way to voice their concerns is a different story. Sometimes we get the wrong messages from those we love.
To stick and stay – with a man – may not be the best way. To tolerate abuse, may not be the best move. It’s my opinion that if a woman is absent of two very important elements in her life – a good father AND a good mother – chances are, she will struggle with the image of a good man. More importantly, she might have a hard time interacting with one. Also, she may resort to asking the wrong questions to the wrong individuals.

It’s been said that if a doctor prescribes their own cure, they have a fool for a physician.

Ask not, want not! Women should ask men – about men -- not women. Don’t ask your neighbor (sistah gurl) ask a man! The truth is a tough titty, but if it's not sucked, one might be be found saying... "Bitch Is The New Intelligent Black Woman", or something like that.

In short, watch who's ass you followig? The life you save, could be your own.

Think not? Don't be afraid to tell me why.


Dirty Red said...

“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” - Gloria Steinem

I think that this quote pretty much sums up this whole thought provoking post. Good read man.

Her Side said...

omg. I recently wrote on a very similar subject (about watching out for the messenger when it comes to relationship advice).

The "advice" I received came from a very bitter mother whose relationship with my father looks like a laundry list of regrets.

She has no idea that my father and I talked about why he isn't home - and believe me - I understood what he was saying from top to bottom...

2cute4u said...

Hey carey!r

CareyCarey said...

Dirty Red, I see you are back from the land of milk and honey... Hawaii that is.

Yeah man, the truth is a hard pill to swallow.

@ I am by HER SIDE, you're not by yourself. When I first ran a post like this, it was titled "Bend over and take it from a man" (it's still viewable). In that post, many women came by and shared your sentiments. Check it out, you are not alone.

@ NotTOOcute4me. What's up girl. Thanks for stopping by. I have to get back to paying others a return visit. I've been lazy.