Monday, August 23, 2010


Who can raise their hand as the victor? Well, lets see, come into my humble abode. Maybe you'll be the shining star. Admission is free. You just have listen to the music and be honest.

Okay, I read a post by Sexual Correspondent Andrea (AJ) Plaid @ Racialiciuos - the intersection of race and pop culture.

The post revolved around Lawrence (Larry) Fishburn and his daughter Montana. We've all heard the news of her venture into porn and the debates surrounding her decision. Well, Andrea wrote a wonderful article that was absent of the normal blame, guilt, and assumptions that I've witnessed following the breaking of this news-worthy event. She didn't point fingers or profess to know all there is to know about human emotions or why people do the things they do. She gave a crisp and insightful analysis of the porn industry and other individuals who have chosen a path similar to Ms. Montana Fishburn's.

After reading her article (which I loved), I left a reply and it inspired this post.

So here we go. Musical Chairs is a game played by a group of people (usually children), often in an informal setting purely for entertainment such as a birthday party. The game starts with any number of players and a number of chairs one fewer than the number of players; the chairs are arranged in a circle facing outward, with the people standing in a circle just outside of that. A non-playing individual plays recorded music or a musical instrument. While the music is playing, the players in the circle walk in unison around the chairs. When the music player suddenly stops the music, everyone must race to sit down in one of the chairs. The player who is left without a chair is eliminated from the game, and one chair is also removed to ensure that there will always be one fewer chair than there are players. The music resumes and the cycle repeats until there is only one player left in the game, who is the winner.

Now, if you're still here (by default, playing the game) lets see if you're the last person standing. The music is playing.

As illustrated by twitter comments and some blogs, many people laid blame @ Montana's father’s feet, or some ambiguous “deep dark issue”. I say, first and foremost, she’s a teenager. Wisdom is gained by “going through” struggles.

Who among us have experienced our defining moments by reading a book, a blog or listening to our parents? It just does not happen that way. And, who’s family DOES NOT have a member or members that have taken a path less traveled. I doubt there are many. Having said that, who harbors the “blame"? The family, society, the parent or the individual? I am sure there’s possibly enough “finger pointing” to soothe everyone’s soul. However, depending on which person is expressing their guilt, shame, embarrassment, remorse, pain, and/or decisions, the stories will likely, never be the same. Not to mention those that have not experience alleged dastardly deed. They will forever whisper a feeble chorus of could-be's, should-be's and what "they" need to do.

Having said that, who has not made decisions (at an early age) they wish they could take back?
On the surface, those decisions may pale in comparison to the road Montana is traveling. However, upon deeper investigation, they too have caused years of pain and struggle. How about our first intoxicating drink or first experiment with substances that we believed would make us feel better? Many are still struggling with that problem/decision… even if they don’t believe it’s a BIG problem?
The music has paused, who's still standing? How about the mates we choose? Oh lawdy, marriage and it’s troubling effect(long term) can cause a mad-house. Who's still in the game?

Unprotected sex can cause life long problems, ie, un-planed babies, disease, unwanted babies daddy, and babies mommas… lord help me. The music has stopped, who's standing? Who's still in the game?

Career choices at an early age has led many to pull out their hair, lose sleep, break-up their relationship, hate going to work, and fall in deep sadness and depressions. The chairs are shrinking while the music plays on?

Who sought the love of someone that didn't love them, or didn't belong to then, which caused years of misery and pain? Love, in all it's forms and splendor, is like a drug. And, whats love got to do with it? Oh boy, the music has skipped a beat. Another chair has been removed. Who's still standing?

All of the above choices left many of us feeling real good in the beginning. They moved us emotionally, and they were days of wonderment. But, I’d venture to say many of us would like a redux, or a mulligan. Wouldn't we all like to do it over again? You know, to change a few things.

Ms. Montana Fishburn, at a very young age, has decided to take her emotional journey (her dream, her love, her adventure, her career) down a road that I assume she knows very little about. I don’t condone her actions, nor lay blame at her feet, but I wish her well.

Isn't it true that our family members, including ourselves, have committed errs in judgement that at the time we really couldn't explain. Looking back, we still might be wondering WTH was on their mind. What the hell was I thinking? For whom does the bell toll?

The music continues to play... it's an old beat. There's still chairs on the floor. Who's out and who's still standing? Who can raise their hand? Well, unfortunately, I didn't make it out of the first stanza. Come on now, in fact, if I was allowed to re-enter the game, I wouldn't have stayed long. Nope, I am not ashamed to say I've been somewhere. However, going through all of my life issues, I've learned I can't go there again.

What about you? How far did you make it in my game of musical chairs? Come on now, I know love didn't leave you alone. Surely somebody has an unplanned child? I know somebody is wrestling with a drinking problem? Who hasn't lost sleep behind a job that they thought was going to be so wonderful. Who doesn't have a family member that has taken a road less traveled? I am sure there are other "choices" we've made that has left us shaking our damn heads.


MsKnowitAll said...

Well written!

I barely made it out of your 2nd stanza and I missed my chair in the 3rd...

I always find it funny when I hear people complaining about so and so with her 4 babies and 4 baby daddies... we live and we learn.

Hell I understand where Ms. Montana is coming from... I wouldn't go that route myself... but if the Kardashian sisters drive around in Range Rovers and own their own business and it's because one sister had a sex tape... well that seems simple enough to me. And she has achieved what she set out to... her name is out there, she has a famous father... I smell reality TV...

CareyCarey said...

Ms. New York, I know you go by the name "MsKnowitall" but no you didnt' say reality show *smile*

But you know what, that sounds like money to me. I can see it now. Check this, I bunch of "almost" naked women come by Montana's house on the daily, right. Then they sit around talking "almost" nasty. You know, they can talk about their last movie or video shoot. Heck, I can see a "work-out" pole in the basement and er'thang. Not ot mention some sleezy looking guys sitting around. Heck, I bet some guys would even pull up in cars to get free looks. Yep, ol'girl is sitting on a gold mine :-)

But about this post, I didn't know if I developed the analogy (enough) between the Muscical Chairs and what we all may have gone through? I hoped that I expressed the idea that when one of the "life's events" I mentioned hit home, the reader didn't have a seat to sit in. And then, like life, the music starts playing again, until there were no more chairs. Like I said, I lost my "seat" real quick.

Yep, I agee, life is a learning process. I sort of get taken aback by folks who profess to know why a person does what they do. Hell, I don't know why I do some of the things I do. So I know they don't know what the hell THEY are talking about.