Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Don't Ask Don't Tell, Best law Since The Emancipation Proclamation

Please don't ask because I am not planning on telling the truth. But maybe I should explain my words of wisdom.

Emancipation is a broad term used to describe various efforts to obtain equality, often for a specifically disenfranchised group , and Emancipation stems from "ex manus capere": 'take out of the hand".

Now, in my upside down world, I'm trying to figure out - before I make my move to soon - how the Emancipation Proclamation and the Don't Ask Don't Tell law and Take Out Of The Hand, applies to me. Well, I am black, so the abolition of slavery must have a direct effect on my life, right? Okay, so, since we're talking about a form of freedom - if you don't ask me any questions - I am free from telling you a lie, right? Which in essence takes it out of my hands, right? Heck, there it is, nice and easy to follow, right?

Well, understandable or not ( and it might seem like I am being factious) but stay with me because I have good news for everyone. But first, I so admire people that aren't afraid of the truth. For instance, the contestants of The Biggest Losers, there's no way in hell I am going to show all my fatness, saggyness, and loose flat titties, for the world to see. Are you kidding me, forget about it. I am not trying to be funny, but I am sure everyone has noticed that the super heavy dudes no longer have chests, they have flat, super saggy titties, and I am not ready to expose all my honesty.

But on the other hand, I also admire those who can tolerate a person that lies dead to their face. I mean, I can safely assume a criminal court judge hears lies on a daily basis. Well, I couldn't do their job because regardless of the law that says a man is innocent until proven guilty, if a man stood in front of me, with his wife's head hanging from his back pocket, and said to me that he had not seen her in a week, I seriously doubt I could ask the question, how do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Come on now, as my daughter said, "Dad, don't make a liar lie". She believes that if you force a person to tell a lie, and know they are going to lie, you both are going to be sitting there looking stupid, which brings me to my final point. Listen, the Don't Ask Don't Tell law pertains to homosexuality in the military, so I think the name of the law should be changed to.... you guessed it, Don't Make a Liar Lie, which then, would encompass every liar in the world, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Just think how convenient that would be. We've all heard of the 5th amendment that protects a person from self incrimination, well, with this new law (lets call it 5th-DMALL... "don't-make-a-liar lie) if a wife or lover asks a brotha if a certain dress makes her look old and fat, and she is old and obesely fat, he can simple say, "Please baby, DMALL". Then they could gleefully hold hands and trot off to the movie with her fat ass busting outta that size 14 dress.

And see, the real beauty of this new law is that a person can use it on themselves. I really like this part because I can ask myself if I am going to exercise or lose a few pound, and then say, "Please Carey, you know how this goes, DMALL baby".

Yelp, don't ask no questions and Don't-Make-A-Liar, Lie. I am off to talk to my congressman.


Big Mark 243 said...

Though I know from experience that gay soldiers have been serving since whenever they needed cats to die for big business interests, I like where the DMALL is going. I am going to see if I can't put that into my toolbox and make use of it.

Reggie said...

My wife watches The Biggest Loser religiously. I used to joke that the biggest loser is actually the fat mofo watching the show from home....but I digress.

Gay soldiers have been serving in our military since day one. Don't ask, don't tell and other measures around denying gays the opportunity to serve in our armed forces are simply Un-American. We're supposed to hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal....and all that. We both know those are simply words. If they weren't there'd be no reason for Don't ask, don't tell or Affirmative action or anything like it.....right. Both these acts were enacted by the almighty white man, because he understands his own evilness and maliciousness.

The people in this country are so full of shit that most of them could use two or three enemas.

Nice post brother.

Maxine said...

Tee hee. Quite right - lying by omission is STILL a lie. I have to catch up on everything I missed here!

Nutty J. said...

Ask me no questions.....and I'll tell you no lies.

I like where this is going...DMALL

DF said...

How about who care at all Law! I for the life of me don't understand why this is a big issue. Besides dookey love and some kisses why in the hell is that a concern of the military.

I don't understand how gayness in general is a concern of the general public. What you do behind closed doors is your own life. But, how is being gay a issue with regular going on in the world.