Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Hermain Cocaine  Cain!  It's final, now I've seen everything. See, I live in Iowa so I sorta know white folks, but this Hermain Munster Cain is a new Frankenstein. He was in Iowa doing his best slappy white so I had to write about him. He's running for POTUS!

Seriously, I don't do much politics but I turned on my boob tube and that clown was doing the 2011 Buckwheat for president. Really, I couldn't believe my eyes so I set my video recorder. Then, after he was done, I sent the tape to my lab boys and asked them if they could somehow give me back a 3D version. I wanted to see this guy from all angles because something wasn't right.  After a week went by my package arrived. There was a note attached...   "We slowed this down and noticed Mr Cain had a small mic in his ear and something was protruding from his rear end.  We were able to filtered out the words in the small ear piece. They sound like lyrics to a song that some use to get hyped before they go on stage.  here they are: 

I wish I was in de land ob cotton,
Old times dar am not forgotten;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
In Dixie Land whar I was born in,
Early on one frosty mornin,
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.

Those lyrics, written in a comic, exaggerated version of African American Vernacular English, tell the story of a freed black slave pining for the plantation of his birth.

Damn, now my curiosity was on high alert. I couldn't wait to see what was running out of his booty hole. I popped in my remastered 3D video and there it was. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was a tail!  Yicks, a big black funky looking hairy tail was hidden under his jackass suit. But if you haven't seen this guy or heard his  rhetoric,  you better hurry because he's a black republican. And we know what they do with them. Yep, they use them up and throw them away like a dirty scummy dishrag.

Aside from the funky mouth monkey man, here's my basic point of contention:

Raise your hands in the air if you just don't care. Or, wave the flag for Ms Palin or any old Mr Charlie & his wife, or any ol'negro?

Let me cut to the chase. Some negros and political blogs should change their names to BootyForSell.

That's right, they should flash a red sign and adorn it with big purple lips - and a big fat booty. You know, them big booty lips that compliment deep ass kissing. But wait, dez some smart negros that may not know the errs of their ways. I mean, they have great writing skills - that most would die for - but many of them ain't talking about a damn thang except what Obama has "allegedly" done wrong. And, Mr Cain was the past CEO of a huge national pizza chain.

Listen, I am a ride or die Obama supporter that....


No, you hold up, and you can miss me with that one. I mean, you should define hero worshiping. I know you may believe that's a clever phrase, but it's nothing more than a tired and trite remark that allows you to run from the truth. Get back to me with your definition of a hero worshiper.

But first, tell me, who would you rather have in office, Obama, or any ol' nondescribt Mr Charlie? I know most of my wayward friends will have a hard time answering that question. Well, since they claim to be supporting Obama's mission, they can't say, "we love Mr Charlie". On the other hand, if they say Mr Charlie, I'd say "give me his name". Who, Herman The Munster Cain... with the funky tail feather, or any pasty face Betty Crocker? Who would be a good replacement? And, since I am referring to smart negros, they wouldn't say anybody except President Obama. I mean, that reply would instantly discredit them. And lord knows what that would do for their egos.

That reminds me, I believe much of the wayward negros whimsical hater-aid (conscience of not) is rooted in an ego that's in grave need of constant stroking. What else could justify their negative rants about our presidents?

"But Carey, we can't give him a pass just because he's black"

Who said anything about a pass you knuckle head? Again, if not Obama than who?! See, some folks wish to run from that question, while they hurl ambiguous quasi- intellectual short burst of nothingness.

Really, that's the big elephant in this house "who would my naysay negro friends chose as a replacement". If you can't stop the elephant, then your house will become very raggedy. And, we all heard what Malcolm said:

"if your kitchen is dirty, your house is dirty"
So, would it be right to invite someone to dinner and feed them Cracker Jacks? Wouldn't that be kind of dirty? Well, inside a box of Cracker Jacks, there's always a surprise. But I am still wondering who they would bring to the table.

 Who?... Any ol'cracker-Jack?

Remember, the elephant is still there. He ain't going to disappear because the question is side stepped. Consequently, until the chicken head naysayers can tell me the purpose behind their eloquent dissing of President Obama, I can't help but believe they are unconsciously soothing a soul that needs to sound intelligent. More importantly, they have to know their words are a cheap cloned edition of Mr Charlie's. I wish they would just speak the truth and come out of the closet. I wish they would change their names to Black Booty For Sale: The place of intelligent BIG BOOTY for your Disposal.

"But again carey, we can't give Obama a pass because he is black, we have to make him accounting"

Okay, one mo gin for all the circle jerks. Do you really think you are making him accountable by mimicking the words of his arch rivals?! I mean, really? Do you think you're making him accountable by sitting at home or at a blogspot, with a bunch of negros that acquired their political science degrees on-line  or off the 10 o'clock news? I mean, what's accomplished by listening to rants, half-baked solutions, haters and naysayers - huh? Surely that's not making him accountable. That's nothing more than a game of spades or dominoes. Any negro can sit around a table and talk trash. I mean, making him accountable??? Tell me, tell me exactly how you're doing that? I mean, considering the un-focused willy-nilly rhetoric that's the final product of most political discussions, I find it hard to believe it's a package that would make the president accountable. Having said all of that, in the very least; would your words move people toward Obama or move them away from him? Don't duck now, but the BIG ASS ELEPHANT is still in the house. If not Obama than who? Think about it. Play the story to the end.

I know this post will not get me invited to soft music and satin sheets, but as Martin Luther King said,

"Many people fear nothing more terrible than to take a position which stands out sharply and clearly from the prevailing opinion. The tendency of most is to adopt a view that is so ambiguous that it will include everything and so popular that it will include everybody"

So please, don't take this personally, but negro please, let your conscious be your guide.

Hey, if a person cannot truly define what they are receiving from voicing their dis-pleasures of our president, I'd be a fool to engage them in any form of debate or discourse.
I raise my hand. I've been at a place in my life where I didn't know why I blamed others, chided others, pointed fingers, and went to places  (mentally and physically) I had no business going.

I would imagine that many people are stuck in that dilemma, and possibly, don't know how to get out. It's very hard to say I was wrong and you were right.  However, there's no mistaking the fact that the Herman Cain Thang is a pied piper - donkey - for hire. He's a fool who thinks the name "Republican" will get him in the cabin in the skies of Washington DC.  I am not a gambling man, but I'd bet this new jack negro gets fried like a cheap piece of lunchmeat.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Day O, Daaay O, Eli's Comon' And I Should Have Stayed Home: The Book Of Eli... Book'em Dano!

Hughes Brothers

I work all day till the sun go down. Money short, but I go anyhow. Eight foot, seven foot, tally me banana. Daylight come and I me wanna go home.

When I found out Denzel was in a new movie, I had to get some of that! The Hughes Brothers were the directors. Oh boy! I had to have some of that. The movie, my date, pop & popcorn... could cost me 50 bucks. I got that.

I went to see the movie The Book of Eli. I didn't get it. I mean, I got it, but I want my money back. But wait, outside the theater I asked a woman what she thought of the movie. She said it was awesome, okay. Well, different strokes for different folks but check this. If you like the following, this movie is tailor made for you.

Did you like the movies "Mad Max In The Thunder dome", "Escape From New York", or Martin Scorsese's campy "Kings Of New York? If yes, you'll love The Book of Eli.

How about your taste of unbelievable endings that are totally ridiculous, even by Hollywood standards? If you like being pimp slapped by the director's fat hand, step right up... you'll love The Hughes Brothers.

How about fight scenes, do you love them? Okay, let's crank it up a notch. What if the hero of the movie was able to kill 10 people -- at one time -- while wearing a dark mask, which blocked any chance of him seeing his victims? Hold it, we are not done. What if this same man -- while wearing this same dark mask -- was able to shoot down flying birds? But wait, slow your roll, the good gets better. lets say he was able to do this fantastic feat while using a bow and arrow? Yes, a flying bird, a bow & arrow, and a man wearing a mask... how ya like me now?

I don't know what tickled the fancy of the woman outside the theater, but a movie wouldn't be complete without a religious message, or T & A, blood and guts... right? Well, it's all in the Book Of Eli. Reserve your tickets on-line if that's your cup of tea. Eli has it all. Denzel doesn't remove his clothes in many movies, and he doesn't do it in this one, but loose women are at his beckon call. Yes, if leisurely women ring your bell, this movie is for you. Wait a minute, check that, Denzel does give the women something to talk about. You'll have to use your imagine on this one. What can be sexy about Denzel and KFC wet napkin? I didn't get it either, but some women sucked it up. But don't go to the movie just to see Denzel wipe his behind with a left over Kentucky fried chicken handy-wipe.There's more things to get excited about. Not for me but....

Speaking of love, Al Green appears in this movie. Well, he doesn't, but one of my favorite songs explodes on the scene. Really, I love his version of "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart". See, I'd like to think of myself as a romantic, and when that song came on, they almost had me. Check out these words: --- How can you mend a broken heart / how can a loser ever win/ [tell me] how can you stop / the sun from shinning / what makes the world go round?

Boy oh boy, while listening to that song, I remembered a past lover that is now long gone... I dropped a tear. But like a flash flood, the scene quickly changed. All of a sudden we're a to the back lot of Mad Max -- In The Superdome -- Gone Wild. No expenses were spared for these scenes. They were complete with armor plated 1956 Edsels and rocket launchers. If you like suspense, these scenes will hold you, because Denzel flirts with death. Well, although the house in which he's hiding is blown to shreds by rockets and Gatling guns (yes Gatling guns), Denzel manages to come out unharmed.

I don't want to give away the movie, but if you like epic adventures like Guy Johnson's "Standing At The Scratch Line", you're gonna love Danzel's (Eli) 30 year adventure. Did I say thirty years? Yep, Denzel evades the most notorious pirates, murderers, thieves, scanky women, flesh eating cannibals and an assortment of damn fools, while on this 30 year journey. But if you're not feeling any of this, how about a little religion with your mission impossible?

I am not going to go there, I can't spill all the beans, but another blogger thought it was a propaganda movie. I don't know, but God does work miracles in this movie.

Like I said, movie watching is a very subjective experience. But for me, this movie tore through my soul. Look, I've been riding with Denzel from day one. I've seen all of his movies. Who can deny the brilliance of the Hughes brothers? When they broke-out with Menace II Society, I was theirs for the long haul. I even enjoyed a movie that many didn't see... "From Hell". It was their take on Jack the Ripper. In anticipation of seeing The Book of Eli, I was as giddy as a child on Christmas Eve. Heck, I even bypassed my bootleg man to watch it at a real theater. I guess Santa must have checked my list. He must have found out that I've been naughty... not nice. I was left with a black piece of coal.

Like "Precious", this movie had a great supporting cast. You can't go wrong with a cast of pretty women and Gary Oldman. Who can forget his role as the white skinned Rastafarian pimp, Drexl Spivey, in the movie "True Romance"? But see, I am still wondering how his character, Carnegie, was able to maintain his power over a ruthless town of renegades? Maybe it was his secret water supply? Well, since an atomic blast totally scorched the earth, food and water were at a minimum. Devious Carnegie sold water by the shot glass. But see, I don't know if the town folks were complete idiots, or if the director thought I was, but come to find out, water was a few miles down the road. Salty, but nevertheless, water.

I don't know what the Hughes brothers were trying to do. I saw a little of Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof and Robert Rodriguez's "From Dusk Till Dawn". Oh, and a little Moses thrown in for the religious crowd.

They said Eli is coming. I hope he gets here real soon because he has my money in his pocket, and I want it back.

Day O, daaay O, daylight comin' and I should have stayed home.

The Book of Eli... Book'em Dano. TEN TOES way down for this one.


Monday, October 3, 2011

Excuse Me While I Flip My Thang.

Could I have your ear if I wore pink panties? Would you hug me like you loved me, if I dressed in drag? Would you laugh with me and not at me? I gotta know because I ‘ve lost that loving feeling.

Listen, I've seen men get it on in the blogsphere. Short of calling each others mothers a stankin ho, I’ve witness men have furious debates in the blog world. But you know what, they very seldom stay entrenched in their madness. I mean, they only stay in their toughness for a short period. Really, I’ve actually seen men thank each other for the check down. That seldom happens among women. Are you kidding me, women will write "I hate her" in their wills. C'mon, women will hate a friend for getting along with somebody THEY hate.

But you know what, this blog world is a wonderful place. I’ve met people that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t build my house in the blogsphere. Well, if we did meet on the street, we probably wouldn’t have continued our friendship, because at first sight..... things weren’t right.

In this computer world, I drop my pants in two neighborhoods. I have some old friends back in my old neighborhood and I have some new friends in this place called blogsphere. Today I am going to bring them together because I need them all. Bare with me because this post is sorta long.

Hold on, here we go.

At my old site I said, "Harriet Tubman couldn’t shine Oprah’s shoes".

Oh lord, Bookman (house manager) said, "Wow Carey your reaction to Harriett Tubman was too disturbing to even reply to. In all seriousness I'm surprised at you. Just suffice it to say that celebrity and money are not indicators of greatness. It is this type of thinking that has us worshiping rappers, drug kingpins and basketball stars".

Bookman made several more statements to support his view, however, I don’t know what he meant by "Carey, your reaction was too disturbing", but I told him to stop playing the violin and stop being so damn politically correct. I can't stand pretentious negroes who use the most stupid analogies to support their opinions

See, I have a feeling that it’s blasphemy to mention any of our championed pioneers in any sort of negative light. Although my statement was a cliche - of sorts - I think I traveled on some type of sacred ground.

I mean, so Harriet Tubman lead a bunch of slaves to freedom..... And? Yeah, we got that.... And?

Well, I have two friends, Yvettep and ABM, who yesterday, went someplace. Yvettep is always very reserved in her comments. She and ABM have had several marvelous debates. Their tones speaks of a mutual respect. They are both wordsmiths that can debate with the best of them. Yesterday I said Oprah was the greatest. Yvettep said, "We'll only know if Winfrey could be counted as among the "greatest" if people still know her name a hundred years after her death"

ABM came back with "So then we have to wait another 60 years to determine whether Dr. Martin Luther King Jr deserves to be considered one of our "greatest" people?"

Huuummm, that was a pretty good retort. Now I am sitting here wondering what those statements meant. Well, to be honest, I don’t believe time has anything to do with it. Can I say "tell a nigg*r, telephone"? Sure I can and most of you know what I mean.
Look, they will be talking about Hitler to the end of time. But the substance of what they’ll be saying is the trump card. If we move away from Oprah’s TV personality, and focus on her accomplishments I believe her name will be on the lips of many for years to come. For real, if we mention Harriet Tubman’s name, what’s the first likely response? It’s probably going to be something about a slave. Now, don't look now, but after slave talk hits the floor, the powers to be has some Negroes right where they want them. As long as he keeps them talking about slaves and collard greens, he’s comfortable. The mind set of a slave is hard to arrest.

"Yes sir boss hog, let those darkies talk about how we had our foot way up their ni*gas ass". Yeah, talk-talk-talk about the past.Talking about the past keeps us from looking forward. Sure, we don’t want to forget the past but we can’t continue to focus on the past.

If Opray Winfrey's accomplishments are not talked about in the future, that’s because the tell-a-nig*a-telephone was too busy taking about the underground railroad and who's sleeping with who. Oh please lord, don’t tell the children how Oprah was a role model for millions of children. Forget about that, tell them about the slave route. Don’t tell the children how Oprah inspired black woman to reach for the highest ring. A ring that in the past was unreachable. Oh no, tell them about the tools the slaves used on their way to freedom. Don’t tell them that Negroes been free for nearly 150 yrs. On no, don’t tell our new generation how Oprah champions issues that have never been seen on television. Are you kidding me, tell them about the old Harriet Tubman, you know, that underground railroad woman. Forget about how influential Oprah has been in the election process. Don’t pass that forward. In fact don’t pass up Oprah’s money but let’s throw it in her face like it’s a curse. Why talk about Oprah donating huge money to needed causes? Oh no, just because she’s given more of her money than any other black woman in the history of America, that shouldn’t be a thing to mention to our young ones. They might ask "HOW DID SHE GET THAT MONEY?". Are you kidding me, instead, let’s talk about how she’s never been married. Instead, let’s talk about Harriet Tubman and her daughter... Ooops.

I mean, for real, the future is now. Shouldn’t we be talking about our future- right now? Or should we stain our leaders. That’s right, we should be talking about slave quarters that sit on the edge of the Mississippi River. Oh lord, Harriet Tubman risked her life.  Okay, next.

Can we talk about inspiration? Inspiration is like a spare tire in the trunk of a car. If you don’t have a key to that trunk, it’s going to be hard to use that tire. Oprah is a tire that’s out of the trunk. She's tried and true. She's been down the road of hard knocks. Our youth can see her and feel her and use her. Really, what can our youth get from Harriet Tubman? Please don’t talk about a lesson on perseverance. Our youth witness struggles every damn day. They will best be served by seeing and learning from our present day struggles. They can best be served by seeing solutions at work.

Throughout this whole debate, many wish to pick at small areas of Oprah’s life, and pick and poke and use it to call her names. For some reason they conveniently cannot remember all the good she’s done. One person even said something about one segment of her show, as if that defined who she is. Some say they are not haters but ask the naysayers of Oprah’s accomplishments and they’ll feign ignorance. Don’t believe me, try it, see how you like it. Ask that same person about Harriet Tubman and they’ll probably say something about slaves and the underground railroad. Yeah, tell me something new.

Tell-a-nigga-telephone is a dangerous thang in the hands of those that feel more comfortable swimming in the pool of popular opinion. Bookman said the only thing he likes about Oprah is the fact that she helped him sell books.... WTF! He couldn’t even see through his hate that Oprah’s words and her major influence has been a major tool in the advancement of  people of color. I wonder if Oprah has been instrumental in the live of our school children? Do I hear books? Do I hear role model? Isn't knowledge king? Oprah's voice commands respect. A respect that has never been seen on the shores of America.

But many will continue to say the old slave runner was the greatest.

My position stands and I am yet to see any valid arguments that highlights any woman greater than Oprah. If there is one, lets count the ways.... Please! Please, tell-a-nigg*! I want to see YOUR champion, not Oprah’s laundry. I bet those that oppose Oprah cannot qualify their contender without trying to tear Oprah down. Come on!

Wait a minute, I am going to dress in drag.

Really, when the moments right, it’s Brotha CareyCarey on the low down. I ain’t trying to be all funny nor sissified, I’m just trying to knockdown barriers to communication. I’m going to flip my thang like Tyler Perry and Flip Wilson. Women adore men in drag. I’m just trying to get my come-up and bend a few ears.

Y'all will see me coming, I’ll be very apologetic in my comments. You know, I don't want to intimated the new negro crowd. I’ll even agree to some mess that I know damn well is way outta bounds, or I’ll be real quiet. I’ll even hate on a brotha if he even thinks about mentioning a woman’s body part and what he wants to do with it. Yeah, those sexist bast*rds. Yes sir, we're all going to get along just fine. I know how to flip the script... "Let one of those punk ass nig*as come by my sista girl’s blogs and fix his mouth to say Bi*ch". I’m going to pull down my panties and slap him with my Johnson"

I bet you think I am kidding? Sh*t...... watch me work. In fact, call me Careyella and then come on with the come on. Make my funk the P-FUNK,  I gots to get funked up. But don’t attack me. Attack the post. I am just a man on the slow drag, flippin' my thang so we all can get along.


You might not like her Stead-man or her BFF Gail, but you can't deny the truth. Oprah has given voice to more intelligent and artistic people of color than any person on this earth. That list numbers in the thousands. From black politicians , black authors, black musical geniuses, black business owners, heads of foreign states, prominent black lawyers, doctors, chief cooks and bottle washers, Oprah has been the driving force in exposing them to the world, which opens a door for more to follow. Oh, should I mention her unmatched effort to highlight the ever- present struggles of the black female. Not to mention her nearly 1/2 billion dollars she's given to the needy.

Addendum: If you're visiting from S & A or RiPPa's blog, the Tyler Perry Post follows this one.

Thanks for stopping by.

Look, you may not like Oprah because of her fortune and fame, and you may not like her interviewing style, and I understand that, however, does that diminish her overall accomplishments? Well, I'm just asking because I know it does not. I also know some people are constitutionally incapable of seeing the truth, even when it smacks them in their face. And again, the truth does not lie.

Listen, so many times and so many ways, I've said Oprah Winfrey is probably the greatest black woman that has ever walked this earth. I say that because "great" is reserved for those that far exceed the accomplishments of others and spreads their "wealth" and "knowledge" along the way. Greatness is reserved for those that break through the glass ceiling and then puts that ceiling in the basement. Greatness is reserved for those that have the courage and wisdom to withstand attacks from the front & the back, from the rich & the poor, from BLACKS & WHITES. Great is reaching back to give back. Greatness is reaching back to a land that most blacks could call home. Some call it the motherland.

Although money is not the road to happiness, it's great that Oprah has given hundreds of millions of her dollars to causes that nobody else dared to attack or even mention. Great is a person that can win the approval of others in spite of their skin color. Oprah stands alone in her greatness. Although many women have done great things, those accomplishments pale in comparison to those of Oprah Winfrey's. You may not agree, but please tell me why?

One can not deny that her greatness extends beyond the boarders of America. Oprah is the GREATEST of them all. There are no challengers to her crown. Not yet anyway.

So please, why is it when one of our own reaches a place of comfort and success, so many POC hate them? Oprah is a fantastic role model for all our black children. Granted, there may be small titty-bits (yes, I said "titty"-bits) of personal indifference's one may have with Oprah, but in no way does that diminish her accomplishments. Some folks are just too busy smelling their own upper lip.

WHY? Well, I'll tell you why....

Because of the color of their skin. Some blacks folks are so envious, slothful, wrathful and jealous, that they'd kill themselves before they'd give another black person their proper due.

Do I hear a ball of confusion?

Run, run, run, but you sho' can't hide
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
Vote for me, and I'll set you free
Rap on brother, rap on
Well, the only person talkin Bout love thy brother is the preacher
And it seems, nobody is interested in learnin' but the teacher
Segregation, determination, demonstration, integration, aggravation, humiliation, obligation to our nation

Ball of Confusion

That's what the world is today
The sale of pills are at an all time high
Young folks walk around with their heads in the sky
Cities aflame in the summer time and the beat goes on
Air pollution, revolution, gun control, sound of soul
Shootin' rockets to the moon
Kids growin' up too soon
Politicians say more taxes will solve everything, and the band played on
So round 'n' round 'n' round we go, where the world's headed, nobody knows

Just a Ball of Confusion

Oh yea, that's what the world is today
Fear in the air, tension everywhere
And the band played on.
And the band played on.

Copyright 1970 Jobete Music Company, Inc.

In short, why all the hate on Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey? Really, specifically, what's your beef with Oprah? Why can't we champion the good and leave the hate behind? You tell me because I don't know.

And while you're at it, read the following post on Tyelr Perry's "For Colored Girls". I am not done yet.

Sample: OMG!!!! Some negros have become embarrassingly ridiculous. Black directors make movies they feel are relevant to their personal agendas and those of their targeted audience (which is generally black). White people have nothing to do with it. Negroes need to move past their paranoiac race fantasies of persecution and see reality for it is. The Negroes who were upset about Chris Rocks movie were embarrassed that non-whites would now know the astringent details of the difficulty of grooming and managing black hair (as if they didn’t already know!). Outside of the deep rooted shame and self loathing of their natural hair, there is no sane reason for Negroes to protest such movies as Good Hair, Precious and FCG. I personally heard two black women bitterly complain the Rock had “exposed black women’s secrets” (I know…I know, as pathetic as that sounds -I actually heard them say it!). Same can be said for the movie Precious. It was a hard core gritty story about a young black woman’s tragic life. All the trappings and characters in the movie are real and black America is filled with legions of Negroes who are carbon copies of every single character in the movie. So why all the histrionics and temper tantrums about situations, behavior and characters that are pandemic in black America? Makes no sense…….